RE: All-Ages Action! [Music, Nov 4], a preview of the week's all-ages live music shows, including a concert performed by the Trey Anastasio Band.
HELLO—This email is to confirm Morgan Troper's poor writing and even shittier musical tastes. Why would you have Morgan, a confessed hater of reggae, jam music, and anything Phish-oriented, write a blurb about this past week's Trey Annastasio [sic] concert? Instead of the hate and vitriol, how about getting a writer on your team to actually write something positive about musical acts coming through Portland? If I'm an out-of-town visitor reading Morgan, I think, "Wow, what a fucking asshole." My point is, I would rather read an informed piece of writing on music that actually sounds somewhat intelligent than read a paragraph filled with vitriol and unintelligent writing. Stick to writing about punk music, because that's all you know.
RE: free drool!
PORTLAND MERCURY—Whenever I read the latest drool from your weekly rag, I take solace in the knowledge that it is, after all, free... and worth every penny, too.
RE: The annual HUMP! amateur porn fest, which just concluded its 11th year.
DEAR MERCURY—I so love the HUMP! Fest. I have to say that it was a little bit vanilla this year. Oh, and I'm a 63-year-old grandmother.
THAT BALLER LIFE
RE: "How to Live Like a Baller in Portland" [Feature, Nov 11], in which author and comedian Alex Falcone explores a discount version of the lifestyles of moneyed Portland.
Put on a nice dress and go to an art gallery at like 11 am on a Tuesday. Tell them you don't really like what's showing and ask if they have any works by this local artist whose name you Googled 15 minutes beforehand. You have no idea how rich that gallery assistant is now going to treat you. Win-win!
posted by Tiffany Wildgrube
RE: "Congratulations, You Got Your Wish: Portland is 'Officially Over'" [Blogtown, Nov 13], a blog post mocking a Thrillist article declaring the city "over" and suggesting some potential replacements—which naturally spawned yet more debate over "transplants."
This whole "any non-transplant is a creative" shtick is such bullshit. Yes there are real contributors to Portland's uniqueness in a way that affects others who fall into the label of "creative," but trying to put that label on (a) yourself, and (b) "us Portland old-timers" as if everyone who has lived here for 10+ years is a "creative" is absolute elitist bullshit. Perhaps most importantly, the "creatives" who make the most difference are also business-minded and this leads to their success and their ability to have an impact on the community. But, again, this is less than one percent of the population. Finally, let me get this straight... so if some guy moves here and gets a $150,000 job, rents a $1,800 one-bedroom apartment... and also happens to be a badass guitarist in his free time (just playing mostly in his apartment), supports local music, galleries, bars, restaurants... does he get a pass from your scorn? Or is his "creative" card revoked because he has chosen to take a simultaneous path of a career and having creative pursuits as well? Surely being broke, having a bad attitude, and hating "transplants" isn't a prerequisite to being included in the "creative" label? Or hell... maybe it is...
posted by JTR
You know that new guy in town who makes $150,000 and is a badass apartment-guitarist and supports local bars and galleries and stuff? Well, he's also an astronaut and a secret agent and he graduated with honors from Hogwarts. That guy is so freaking cool. Unlike that lame poor guy who's a lame guitarist and his band is lame and his dog just took a shit right in front of your doorstep and his dog is a lame guitarist, too.
posted by albert
OH ALBERT, at least you made it funny again. You win this week's Mercury letter of the week, which comes with two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, which is statistically proven to be the preferred movie house for Old Portland lame guitarists.