DEAR HYPOCRITICAL, INTOLERANT, NIMBY ASSHOLES: Mind your own business, you self-righteous fucks. So a conservative Christian church is moving into Southeast—what's it to ya ["Welcome to Mars," News, Sept 8, regarding the Mars Hill Church moving into Portland]? That's the beauty of America—people have the freedom to believe any damn fool thing they want. You think focusing your energy on hating them more than they hate you is the best and most productive use of your time? You arrogant fucking asshole—get a fucking hobby. Do you even see the irony here? I thought you were enlightened, but now I see that you only tolerate people being different if they're different in ways you agree with. You're a boring, insufferable bigot.
I think it would be a lot easier—and cost a lot less money—to get the government out of marriage all together ["Gay by Gay," News, Sept 1, regarding the push for same-sex marriage in Oregon]. That way gays, bi's, straights, and polyamorous adults could make whatever contracts they wish with one another. Most people historically never looked to government to approve their unions. If the gay community wants to keep spending millions on these campaigns, be my guest, but the libertarian path would get them there much more quickly.
-posted by KingKong DingDong
It comes down to white middle/upper-class people don't like riding the bus. And Portland proper is pretty much white-upper-middle-class defined ["Sizing up the Streetcar," News, Sept 8, regarding whether the Portland Streetcar is on the right development track]. Buses are cheaper to operate, more flexible, can adjust their schedules on the fly far easier than trains, can avoid obstructions, and they don't all fail when electricity fails or ice storms take out lines (arguable). All in all, the trains are simply there because people with more money refuse to use buses as transportation.
-posted by xx
DEAR JOURNALIST: We would like to attend you the a new service "Mile High Sex Flight," offered by Amsterdam escort agency. Please find the press release, logo, and picture attached. If you require any further information what so ever, please do not hesitate to contact us. Best regards.
-Wouter van der Heijden, Girls Company Amsterdam
[Editor's note: There were no attachments.]
DEAR MERCURY: On the cover of your volume 12, number 16 issue, it states there is a "Pullout Guide Inside." How elated I was to finally have a guide on the subject matter, so I could say, "Fuck off, condoms!" But sadly/tragically/tyrannically, there was no such guide in the issue. WTF BRO? I thought you had my back! I felt like you were going to be there for me, man! Now I'm stuck using fuckin' jimmies again. Who I gotta hate on to get some justice around here?
THOUGH OUR MENTION of a "Pullout Guide" was actually referring to coverage of MusicfestNW, Nathaniel wins our letter of the week for reminding us that if the Mercury doesn't inform our readership on the proper methods of coitus interruptus, who will? Expect a "Pullout Pullout Guide" in the near future, while Nathaniel can expect two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater—whose movies always "pull out"... the stops!
AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO OUR READERS OVER THE AGE OF 65
Have you read Blogtown lately? You should: It's kind of kick-assy. portlandmercury.com/blogtown