MUSIC—What kind of noises does the desert make? If it's anything like Utah band Desert Noises, it's warm, rippling, harmony-laden rock bathed in pastel beauty. They recorded their most recent EP, the splendid I Won't See You, here in Portland with Houndstooth's Graeme Gibson, and they've got an oasis of great tunes at their disposal. NL
w/Tiger Merritt, Animal Eyes; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 8:30 pm, $7

COOKINGAmerica's Test Kitchen is an invaluable resource for home cooks, their magazine Cook's Illustrated is amazing, and the public radio show puts The Splendid Table to shame. (Sorry, Lynne Rossetto Kasper.) Tonight, host Christopher Kimball brings his live show to Portland, featuring a behind-the-scenes, video interviews, and a live Q&A. AH
Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 7:30 pm, $36.25-46.25, all ages


MUSIC—Notoriously footloose Cass McCombs is coming to rest in Portland for a spell, touring in support of his most recent release, Big Wheel and Others. The lengthy new project (20-plus songs long) is almost as worldly as its creator, borrowing from multiple genres from jazz to hard rock. Travel does make you well rounded. MS
w/Michael Hurley; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $13-15

MUSIC—Few live shows are as goofy, loud, theatrical, and straight-up fun as those from Of Montreal, who're swinging through town to show off their latest, Lousy with Sylvianbriar. Tonight you can expect to have your ears and your eyes exploded; tomorrow, you can expect to be sore from dancing. EH
Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, 8:30 pm, $15-17, all ages


COMEDY—Hotshit comedy duo Garfunkel and Oates are well known for their hee-larious YouTube songs such as "Pregnant Women Are Smug" and "This Party Took a Turn for the Douche." But don't get it twisted! Watching them live will also grant you the opportunity to catch their amazing crowd work, which is both incredibly charming and side-splitting. WSH
Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Fri-Sat 7:30 & 10 pm, $22-29

MUSIC & ARTS FEST—The siren's song of the seventh annual Siren Nation music and arts festival is impossible to resist. Tonight kicks off two evenings of concerts with THEESatisfaction, Fault Lines, and Jeni Wren. Also on the women artist-empowering schedule: art show, craft sale, workshops, comedy, and more music. Sounds like a blast of lady-centric fun. CF
Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta, 9 pm, $15, all ages, for full schedule


FILM—Behold: In 1987's Over the Top, Sly Stallone plays a trucker who turns to the brutal world of professional arm wrestling to win custody of his son. (It is probably based on a true story.) If this classic of cinema isn't perfect material for a Hecklevision—where you can text smartass comments and see them instantly pop up onscreen—then nothing is. EH
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $8

DESIGN SHOW—If you love Portland design so much, why don't you get a room? Actually, no need—at Content, Portland's best designers will take over 28 rooms of the Ace Hotel for an evening of showing off their apparel, jewelry, ceramics, perfume, and more. Expect live models and ingenious, arty displays from the likes of Michelle Lesniak, Bridge & Burn, Reif, and more. Hit up the Cleaners' pop-up shop after the viewing. CF
Ace Hotel, 1022 SW Stark, 5-10 pm, $15-20

FUNNY—Season three of the hee-larious Alex Falcone's (who is also not coincidentally a Mercury contributor) Late Night Action live talk show is upon us, with an impressive cast of guests including Live Wire! radio writer Courtenay Hameister and our own Wm. Steven Humphrey, who's even funnier in person! MS
w/Anthony Lopez, Autopilot Is for Lovers; Action/Adventure Theatre, 1050 SE Clinton, 10:30 pm, $8-10


MUSIC—No, Neo Boys—Portland's legendary all-female punk outfit—aren't officially on the bill for the big bash marking their new LP, Sooner or Later. Instead, they've given the stage to a choice lineup of some of the musicians who followed in their wake, acts like Toody Cole and the Vandies. Best of all, they're giving the proceeds to a generation of rockers just starting out: the Rock 'n' Roll Camp for Girls. DCT
Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 5 pm, $9.99 (12 & under free w/adult), all ages

COMEDY—Siren Nation's comedy lineup features just about every funny woman in town: Dubbed Hell Hath No Funny, participating stand-ups including Mercury columnists Barbara Holm and Bri Pruett, Whitney Streed, Amy Miller, and more. The night also functions as an afterparty for the music and arts festival. AH
Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th, 8 pm, $7


INTERNET—There's contemptible drivel on YouTube and there's brilliance on YouTube. Mostly, there's a lot of mundanity in between. But the beauty of the monthly Getting to Know You(Tube) series at the Hollywood is: Any of it can be used to great effect. Presenters get 15 minutes to show off videos of their choosing and weave them into a larger point. Also: probably cats. DVH
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $5

MUSIC—Birthed from cherished local bands Y La Bamba and Death Songs, Tiburones joins Luz Elena Mendoza with Nick Delffs in a remarkable new ensemble of cliff-jumping, instinctual, tangled, hungry folk rock. They're playing for free every night this weekend in Al's Den, so get down to the basement for at least one, and possibly all seven, of these shows. NL
Al's Den, 303 SW 12th, Sun Nov 10-Sat Nov 16, 7 pm, FREE


PORTLAND—The fine folks at Know Your City (formerly the Dill Pickle Club) have a nifty new idea: If they can raise enough cash, they can roll out a bike-mounted information kiosk and promote their tours and books all around town. You can help on Kickstarter. Or—even better—show up when they take over Ankeny Alley for a night of entertainment, raffle tickets, and drink specials. DCT
SW Ankeny Alley, between SW 2nd & 3rd, 6-10 pm, FREE

HOCKEY—At press time, the Portland Winterhawks—AKA the team you should also be caring deeply about—are ranked first in the Western Conference, and the Seattle Thunderbirds are nipping at their heels... grrrrr. Check them out tonight as they battle our bitter rivals to the north, and cheer them on to keep their rightful place at the top! Grrrr. WSH
Moda Center, 1 Center Court, 7 pm, $12.75-53