BASKETBALL—Playoffs, schmayoffs. The only thing that matters now is that the Blazers put the Lakers in a prone position on the court, and then repeatedly drill them in their soft unmentionables for 48 straight minutes—metaphorically, of course. Why? Because fuck LA, that's why. BR
Rose Garden, 1 Center Court, 7 pm, $49-285

MUSIC—The long and lovely Soul'd Out festival debuts tonight with an eclectic lineup that encompasses soul, reggae, funk, jazz, and beyond, clear through April 21. Pick your poison among tonight's competing openers, but if it were down to us we'd go with Ghostface Killah backed by a live band or modern funk master DâM-FunK. MS
Ghostface Killah at Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 8 pm, $30; DâM-FunK at Star Theater, 13 NW 6th, 8 pm, $15,


GRRRLS—It's been far too long since I've been grrrled at, but that's about to be fixed: The Slabtown Grrrl Front Festival is four all-ages days of talented ladies in music (Busy Scissors, Litto Fox) and stand-up comedy (Bri Pruett, Marcia Belsky), plus an art show, zine workshop, roller derby sign-ups, a demo for a riot grrrl-themed videogame, a clothing swap benefit, and the kitchen sink. MS
Slabtown, 1033 NW 16th, Thurs-Sun, $7 nightly or $20 pass, for schedule

CULT THEATERManos: The Hands of Fate is widely considered to be one of the worst films ever made—but it makes a hell of a good stage show, and Capital I Productions' adaptation is campy and hilarious. Bonus: An onstage band featuring members of Blitzen Trapper and Viva Voce, and voice acting from one of the original actors in the 1966 film. AH
Ethos/IFCC, 5340 N Interstate, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, through May 5, $20


COMEDY—Sketch comedy duo the Aces (Shelley McClendon and Michael Fetters) are veterans of just about every funny thing that's happened on Portland stages recently, including The Lost Boys-Live and Road House: The Play. Their new show The Aces: Going Places promises another go-round of inspired, whip-smart sketch comedy. AH
Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont, Fri-Sat 8 pm, $15-18

MUSIC—The Bender has left its home at Slabtown, but all else for the annual punk-garage-rawk fest remains the same. For three solid days—including a matinee show on Saturday and a special exclusive show on Sunday for those with weekend wristbands—stuff your ears with the likes of Monoshock, the Cheater Slicks, Black Bananas, the Cynics, and tons more. NL
Star Theater, 13 NW 6th, Fri-Sun, $12-14/show ($30 weekend wristband)


MUSIC—Led by Pennsylvania transplant Dan Vidmar, Shy Girls is ostensibly an R&B throwback. Taken live, it feels anything but. Vidmar's slow jams, performed with band and back-up singers, call to mind the best couples-only skate of your middle school existence, swelling and swaying until you realize we're in this together, going in circles. DVH
w/Sapient, Magic Fades; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 8:30 pm, $8-10

PET ISSUES—There's something magical and a little unnerving about the sound of dozens of animals coming in bewildered contact with one another, all of it ringing off the cold walls of a large hall. Crate up the cat, leash up the dog, then buy them things at the Northwest Pet & Companion Fair this weekend. And watch where you step. DVH
Portland Expo Center, 2060 N Marine, Sat 10 am-5 pm, Sun 10 am-4:30 pm, FREE


FILM—The 1922 silent film Häxan, made by Danish director Benjamin Christensen, was intended to be a documentary depicting witchcraft, demons, and Satanic rites, but the result is a beyond-strange, visually stunning horror film that remains shocking today. Tonight, two bands provide a live score as part of the Organ Grinders film series. NL
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 8 pm, $12

THEATER—In one of most-anticipated shows of the season, Third Rail Rep takes on playwright Annie Baker's smart, subtle little play The Aliens, about a couple of slackers shooting the shit all day behind a coffee shop. It's like a Bukowski-tinged Suburbia, from one of the most reliably great theater companies in town. AH
CoHo Theater, 2257 NW Raleigh, Wed-Sat 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun 2 pm,, $25


FILM—Though he'd later earn greater acclaim for classics like Dr. Strangelove and Full Metal Jacket, 1957's Paths of Glory is one of Stanley Kubrick's earliest war movies. Set in WWI and starring Kirk Douglas, here's a chance to see work by a then-29-year-old Kubrick on the big screen. EH
Laurelhurst Theater, 2735 E Burnside, see Film Times, $4

MUSIC—Their record isn't out yet, but the buzz around British girl post-punkers Savages is deafening. With their angular skronk (which seems designed to make music writers use words like "angular" and "skronk"), this four-piece makes sheets of sound that are violent, hectic, and flat-out awesome. NL
Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water, 9 pm, $10-12


MUSIC—Maybe you already saw Nick Jaina earlier this month at the Doug Fir. Maybe you didn't. Doesn't matter. Go see him again—this time for free!—and bask in the presence of one of Portland's true local lights and his peculiar brand of soft-spoken literary melodic brilliance. DCT
Music Millennium, 3158 E Burnside, 6 pm, FREE

FILM—What are the two greatest film genres? Spaghetti western and kung fu? CORRECT. So get your ass to this screening of 1973's Fighting Fists of Shanghai Joe, in which Chen Lee plays a stranger in a strange land who fights to free Mexican slaves. Also featuring Klaus Kinski, this 35mm print—the only one known to exist—comes from Quentin Tarantino's personal collection. EH
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $7