BY FAR, the most important demographic trend of the last 10 years is the rise of minorities. But while it's too late for you to get in on the leading edge of this trend by becoming a minority, there's still time to marry one so your children will be at least partially chic.
To help you figure out which minority to build a family around, we conducted weeks of extensive double-blind tests to determine the hippest minorities based on a strict 100-point scale. We drew on numerous local demographic experts, psychologists, and totally not racist scientists.
1. Thais (98 Points), Thailand
After a strong showing in last year's survey, the Thai people were clearly the group to beat. This year they bested their previous score with an incredible 98 points. Behind the increase is the burgeoning number of Thai trucks in the Alder Street pod, as well as the number of your friends who went to Thailand for retreats. Costa Ricans—who topped last year's list mostly on the basis of their home country's tourism—have been completely eclipsed.
Other factors that made Thais this year's hippest minority are related to the economy. Asians have made huge gains in the last decade on the strength of mostly positive stereotypes. But when the economy collapsed in 2008, the Thai people maintained all their pre-recession swagger without having an economically threatening homeland.
If you're adopting a Thai baby, we suggest pairing it with a disadvantaged child from the American South.
2. Easter Islanders (91 Points), Easter Island, Chile
Easter Islanders are a noble, stone-faced people that can be up to 32 feet tall. Their primary qualification as hip minorities is their extreme rareness. Easter Islanders make up only 0.00000 percent of the American population.
If you are somehow able to adopt an Easter Islander, you may be required to return them to the Chilean government.
3. Inuit (89 Points), Greenland/Canada/Alaska
Probably the most balanced of the minorities this year, the Inuit share many of our Portland values. They are locavores who emphasize sustainability and enjoy the taste of salmon. Their rise on this list this year was mostly due to the recent scientific paper suggesting that most Eskimos don't actually kiss with their noses.
If you're thinking about adopting an Inuit baby, it's best not to pair it with a baby seal. They do not get along.
