STEP UP 3D How do movies like this happen? Here's a clue: That's vodka that they're dancing in.

DO YOU HAVE a dream?! A dream to... oh, I don't know... become an actuary? Or perhaps a middle manager in a company that distributes those little packets of artificial sweetener? Then Step Up 3D is the movie for you! No, it's not about distributing artificial sweeteners. It's about DANCE™, yo! It's about poppin', and lockin', and freezin', and free-stylin', but most of all it's about FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION™ and following your DREAM™—no matter what it might BE™. (So yeah... I guess it is about artificial sweeteners.)

Moose (Adam G. Sevani) is off to college! To be an engineer! Not to dance! C'mon, his parents want him to make something of himself! But oh. The DANCE™ won't let him loose—and within seconds of arriving in NYC, he falls in with a gang of smiley like-minded b-boys and girls called THE PIRATES™, led by a guy who looks like Ashton Kutcher... except he can DANCE™! And Ashton has a DREAM™, too! To save the Pirates rehearsal space from the evil bank by winning $100,000 at the World Jam dance showdown competition thingy. Who's standing in their way? The dickish SAMURAI™ b-boy team, who are like the bad guys from The Karate Kid—only crunk.

Oh, and there's a girl, too. Because there always is, right? Which means there's also romance, treachery, hurt feelings, and an incredibly mopey third act. BUT! Did I mention it's in 3D™? And while 3D™ is almost always superfluous, the 3D™ in Step Up 3D kicks the ridiculousity factor up to 11, and when the B-boys do their thing? It's like somebody squirted DANCE™ all up in your FACE™. Step Up 3D will have you grinning like a 3D-tarded baboon—if you can accept that you've seen it a thousand times before, and still refuse to give a shit. Because what it's really about is the DREAM™, and the DANCE™ that refuses to turn you LOOSE™. Pass the artificial sweetener, please.