Greetings, fellow Republicans, Libertarians, Tea Partiers, and casual fans of The Fountainhead!
No doubt you have been following with some alarm the criticisms flung from within our ranks at the recent uptick in bicycling. Some of our well-meaning friends demean this act of transportation, seeing bicycles as vehicles exclusively for brainless liberals and politicians pandering to eco-Nazis.
Not so! As we will expound in the following articles, bicycles are the optimal mode of transportation for Real Americans. As patriots, we must distance ourselves as much as possible from the vehicle created and promoted by that National Socialist Henry Ford, which gobbles up taxpayer subsidies and foreign oil, at an alarming rate. Bicycles, on the other hand, create more jobs per dollar than cars, consume far less government money, and are an affordable option for the common man (or ladyfriend).
If our rhetoric does not sway you, sons of Reagan, our pages of informational charts will. If those also fail to bend your stubborn brain, we insist you recite the Pledge of Allegiance while staring at this photo of a supple bicycling patriot in Daisy Dukes until you regain your senses.
Amen, and may God forever bless your bicycle.Read the Bike Issue articles here!