Deminh Tran

IT CAN BE TOUGH to find someone to hang out with when you're a new resident—and even harder if you're a mutant and/or undead! That's why we've put together this handy list of places a ghoul like you can meet the best and most grotesque.

The first stop for the lonely monster is to head outdoors—and the best place to start is, of course, Mt. Hydra. It's Oregon's highest peak and the expansive wilderness has tons of lakes stocked with sexy serpents! Its dense forest is filled with monstrosities of every stripe, so grab your picnic basket and pick up a fresh human for lunch (but leave time to peel their Gore-Tex!). Cyclists who'd rather stay in town can also check out the miles-long Springwater Gore-idor bike path. Hop on a fixie or just float above it and moan, "whoooOOOooo!" Last one to Powell Butte is a rotten corpse!

If you're into music, check out the crypt-like confines of the Blood Fir. Famous for its woodsy interior and hipster vibe, this spot has great shows, tasty beverages, and a wide array of bearded ogres to ogle. Grab a room at the Jackalopiter Hotel if you meet the right one! If you're hungry for a taste of home (rather than a taste of warm bodies), head up the road to the Lovecrypt Bar. Its homey décor features tons of snakes, skulls, darkness, and despair. Or, if you're heading downtown, visit Bloody Mary's Club! This Portland institution is the strip club where Horrortney Love used to grind, and just the kind of dark hole in the wall your headless mother doesn't want you to visit.

If you've got mini-monsters in your coven, you'll love the Satyrday Market. While an outdoor collection of vendors hawking soaps and scarves may not seem like the coolest spot to gather, its under-the-bridge location is great for maniacal goat-like creatures who want to get rowdy. Come for the elephant ears, stay for the trolls! Obviously, you should also head up to the Oregon Boo! Families will love this wonderfully curated collection of furry oddities from around the globe. You'll have no trouble finding someone—or something!—to love. (Now with baby chupacabras!)

Howl's Books is one of the of nation's most famous bookstores, and has rooms and rooms of towering shelves where you can browse the latest potion books, and hopefully make singular eye contact with the cyclops of your dreams. Chill out afterward at one of Oregon's many Mothmanamins. This Oregon staple has restaurants all over the place, and as long as you're not in a hurry, they're great spots for flesh burgers. (Be sure to specify you want yours rare as hell!) If you're lucky enough to find a harpy on your arm, take that hag to the Bagdead Theater. This crown in the Mothmanamins empire shows first-run flicks and the gothic interior will remind you of the ancient castle where you eviscerated your first victim. Plus, popcorn.


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