From NBC News:

The U.S. military-funded robot dog program—

I’m sorry to interrupt this block quote, but WHAAAAAT THAAAAA FUUUUUUCKKKKK???? Okay, continue.

The U.S. military-funded robot dog program now has two electronic canines in training to haul gear for soldiers over rugged terrain. Each member of the pack is also 10 times quieter than its predecessor robot, which should make it easier to hold a conversation or sneak up on an enemy.

Okay, so let’s see this so-called “robot dog.”

Ahem. WHAAAAAT THAAAAA FUUUUUUCKKKKK???? I have a few questions about this!

1) WHAAAAAT THAAAAA FUUUUUUCKKKKK????
2) Ummm… “10 times quieter than its predecessor”? Was its “predecessor” an atom bomb?
3) Why are they trying to emulate a dog? Dogs aren’t pack animals! ROBOT MULES ARE PACK ANIMALS!
4) Are they trying to mesmerize/horrify the enemy to death?
5) If this thing were to come up behind me, all that would be left is a bag of my skin on the ground, and my skeleton screaming and running up the street. That’s not a question—it’s a STATEMENT OF FACT.
6) Why? Why? WHYYYYYYY???
And finally, 7) WHAAAAAT THAAAAA FUUUUUUCKKKKK????

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

12 replies on “Military Robot Dogs: Prepare to Evacuate Your Bowels”

  3. We spend money on useless crap like this while the Japanese are perfecting their sex robot technology. What happened to the America that used to LEAD??!?

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