Courtney Ferguson’s Worst. Night. Ever.

It’s back! Welcome to the triumphant return of the Blogtown series we like to call “Worst. Night. Ever.” Every Wednesday during our weekly “My, What a Busy Week” pitch meetings, someone suggests an event which is the equivalent of throwing acid in our eyes—but we also realize a more enlightened person might love it! Hence, these “risky” events are often unfairly pushed aside. WELL, NO MORE. Instead of allowing what could be entirely worthy events to vanish forever, we’re asking you—yes, YOU—the Blogtown readers to decide which of these events one of us should attend… whether we like it or not!

Every week an editorial staff member will be presented with three events that do not match their personality or interests… like, AT ALL. And here’s the fun part: YOU will vote on and pick the event that must be attended by our unlucky staffer. Afterward he or she will review it right here on the blog! NOTE: Everyone’s taste is different, right? So while Erik might enjoy nothing more than a sensual night of interactive puppetry, Denis might hate it! That’s why you might find a perfectly pleasant event or two in the list below. Also, competitors must stay for at least two hours (or until the event is over, whichever comes first) and are not allowed to get drunk, or use any substances (drugs) or distractions (phone/reading material) to dull the pain they may experience. Now let’s see who is up this week:

Copy Chief Courtney Ferguson’s Worst. Night. Ever.
Courtney Ferguson likes beer, roller derby, standup comedy and, well, most things. She probably dislikes what I did there with the Oxford comma, but in general she’s very agreeable, which means her Worst. Night. Ever. poses a particular challenge. Choose wisely, Internet:

Oregon Christian Home Education Conference
This is a conference for Christians who homeschool their kids. It promises a day of workshops and canoodling with weirdos who refuse to release their children into the godless wilds of public school. She’d have to attend this panel:

“Be not deceived. God is not mocked. Whatsoever a man sows that shall he also reap” (Gal. 6:7) In this wonderful time of raising godly families, when we see excitement in the eyes of our youngsters and new learning is just around each corner, we sometimes forget who is in control. It’s not the government, contrary to what they tell you. God is not mocked! If we believe the heresy that comes from the White House, or the lies that are spewed from the liberal media, we may try to “give in” just to “get along.” Don’t! Hear Dick speak with the experience of three decades of leadership. Whatsoever a man sows that shall he also reap. God is not mocked!

Cody Simpson at the Roseland
What is a Cody Simpson, you ask? Cody Robert Simpson (born 11 January 1997) is an Australian pop singer from Gold Coast, Queensland, who is currently signed to US record label Atlantic Records.[2]. He is also a talented swimmer! He has the kind of face that makes me want to draw a dick on it.

In this song, he drinks apple juice out of a scotch glass and rhymes “hotty” with “party”:

Pauly Shore at Harvey’s Comedy Club
AHHAHHHhhahHAHHAHAHHAHhahhahahahhaHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHhhhahahahhahhAAHAHA!!!

::pauses, wipes eyes, watches recent Pauly Shore standup set::

BAHHHHAHhahahahahHAHHHAAA!!!!!!!!!

Oh, Internet. I hope you know what to do. Polling closes at noon Friday!