You were sitting across from me at a certain coffee shop located somewhere on Hawthorne on Thanksgiving Eve. We were trading glances for almost an hour until you , without warning, suddenly got up and walked away. What a shame. There we were: two uncomfortable conservatively dressd midle aged fish out outta water, out on the town without our overbearing, overweight ball & chains. I sat there, updating my youtube channel, drinking my 3rd cup of espresso. You sat there lapping a latte and reading the wallstreet journal, holding it close as if to conceal yourself playfully. Then as if bored from all the current news events you set the paper down in your broad lap, rested your head back against the sofa, and you closed your furrow-lined eyes and went into a blissful meditative rest. Your strong hard breathing made myself feel more relaxed, as videos of Britney spears continually shuffled on my laptop screen, I kinda spaced out. I was awake yet mentally somewhere far away with you. Were we meant to be togther? This this fate bringing us together here in that cafe filled with woeful looking peopple? It was all good until that fat guy sat between us, disrupting our moment of sublime tranquility. He announced his presence with a symphony gutteral body noises that woke us both up out of our dream. Our vista now obscured by a mac n cheese eating monster, the moment was no more. It was then you stood up, checked your smartphone, and walked out. I felt the brush of wind as you passed me by, heading for the door. All I could feel was a growing rage inside, and I wanted the beat that blob of a human to within an inch of his life….until…oh my, who is that that just walked in? Please sit near me!
Coffee Shop Romance
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This started off lame and got progressively worse. Awful attempt. Just really quite abysmal by all accounts.
Well, there’s a minute and a half of my life I’ll never get back. Thank I,Anon.
That last line is what we in the biz call a “troll zinger”.
He was “midle” aged, she was Midol aged. Two fish out of water torn by the (ha!) thorns of life. She waited an hour for his glancres to turn into chancres of romancres. Sic transit gloria steinem.
Hey lady(?)…there’s a lotta mac n cheese monstaz in this town. Better just go for it next time instead of wondering what could’ve been.
That’s it blame the chubby guy! Sound’s like you were getting your groove on and her pleading eyes were begging you to put down Britney, and give her a fighting chance. Enters the heavy guy, you get grossed out and pout, she sees you won’t compete for her (God am I dating myself!), so she splits. You got distracted, overreacted, and are now wondering “what might have been”. Thanks for the punch line Chorizogrande.