Good Morning, News: Mayor Adams Moves On, Al-Qaida Confesses, and “Showering is a White Person’s Thing”?

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! My love, do you ever dream of candy coated raindrops? You’re the same, my candy rain. LET’S GO TO PRESS.

Former Portland Mayor Sam Adams is moving to Washington, DC to become the director of the U.S. Climate Initiative for the nonprofit World Resources Institute. Whoo! Congrats, and we’ll miss you, Sam!

The body of a 19-year-old was found floating dead in one of the Pearl’s reflecting pools—though foul play is not currently suspected.

Two Eugene teens are headed to court to sue Gov. John Kitzhaber for not doing enough to protect their generation from climate change. OH, YOU KIDS.

A new Damian Lillard Adidas shoe has been revealed, which is not news in the least, and should not be portrayed as such.

Al-Qaida leaders in Yemen have released a video claiming responsibility for the Charlie Hebdo attack—though are claiming ISIS was behind the same-day murder of a police woman and hostage situation in a Paris Jewish market.

A Charlie Hebdo employee tells her story about being spared by a terrorist “because she’s a woman.”

More horrible stories emerge from the mostly ignored Boko Haram massacre of 2,000 people in Nigeria.

An unvaccinated California woman visits Disneyland and the airport, spreading an outbreak of measles in her wake. Three words: CLASS. ACTION. SUIT.

An alarm on the International Space Station send astronauts scurrying to safety—though hopefully it was a false alarm.

Let’s get to know California Attorney General Kamala Harris—a “rising star” in the Democratic party who could be the first black woman elected to the Senate. (Wrong about that last part… but get to know her anyway.)

Because they hate non-white people, the House pushed legislation today that would overturn Obama’s protection of immigrant children. (Oh, and apparently, the GOP doesn’t feel like being reelected.)

Glee star Naya Rivera claims that showering daily is a “white person thing”… and? Once again the internet finds a reason to go nuts. Seriously, people. We’re gonna be forced to take your internet away if you keep this up.

A woman cuts her cheating husband’s penis off not once, but twice. That’s what I call being industrious!

Now here’s what’s going on in your neck of the woods: Another sunny, somewhat balmy day today, though showers return tomorrow.

And finally, here’s a “chameleon bowling competition” in which tongues are used instead of balls. (That sounds dirty.)