I am a straight, married, 38-year-old woman. My husband and I have two children. I have been with my husband for 12 years, married for six. Three years after we were married, we found out that he was HIV positive. We had both had multiple tests throughout our relationship because of physicals and the process we went through to get pregnant. Both of us were negative then, but only I am now. Needless to say, he was infected as a result of him cheating. We worked through that and remained married. Recently I saw a message from a woman saying, “Call me or I am calling your wife.” I identified myself, and she and I spoke briefly. I asked her how long they were having a relationship, and she told me since January. I did not mention his status. I confronted him, and he claims she is a crazy stalker. He says there was a brief flirtation but then she became clingy and “crazy,” and he did not know how to tell me without compromising our relationship. He blocked her calls and emails. He is undetectable, and we use condoms. He always used a condom when we have had sex. In the state where we live, a positive person who does not inform a person of their status before having sex faces up to five years in prison. I have brought this to his attention. He is sticking to his story that he did not have sex with her. I do not believe him. We met with a therapist last week, only for a placement consultation. We did not mention his status. This is my biggest issue: I don’t think we can work through our problems without honesty. I need him to come clean and admit to me—and our therapist—that he had sex with this woman. If he does, I believe the therapist will be legally obligated to report his behavior to the police. I am preparing myself for divorce, something he doesn’t know, and while I don’t want to have him arrested, I feel we need the therapy in order to respectfully co-parent—and lying to a therapist or omitting the full truth seems crazy.
Seeking Truth About This Unpleasant Situation
