“Crappy’s” On the Columbia

Buffets bring out the worst in people. Also, buffets bring out the worst people. This place is super major tacky. We bought in to their $67 bottomless champagne Thanks Giving brunch fiasco. Our hostess greeted us like this: “Hi, welcome to “Crappy’s”. Just to let you know, we do like to limit guest stays to an hour and a half because of the busy holiday.” If I’m spending $67 for a meal (on Thanks Giving) I really could not care less what the restaurant would “like” from me as a guest (in “Crappy’s case, to shovel food into my pie hole as fast as I can, guzzle some cheap champagne, and get out within 90 minutes). From there, the experieince got stupider. It seemed like the only people dining there were morbidly obese families and women with psychotic makeup and hair. Not unlike most buffets, I suppose. Watching people kill themselves with food is unappetizing, though. So, we drank some champagne to calm our nerves and headed dowstairs to the fancy pants feeding troughs.Pretty sure I saw a lady fill her water glass with chocolate fondue at the chocolate fondue fountain. They were miserly with the turkey portions. That’s. Not. Cool. On. Thanks. Giving. We returned upstairs, finished our plates, and the check was on the table before we could go downstairs for desert. We went down for desert anyway, obviously. While we were eating our unremarkable pumpkin pie, a man looking not unlike a secret service agent (complete with a telemarketer’s communication headpeace) approached our table. The interaction felt, more or less, like the small talk a state trooper makes before he asks you why you think you’ve been pulled over. “Everything okay over here?,” he asked. The vibe was “it’s time for you to leave the restaurant.” So, we did. And we’ll never go back.