[Editor’s Note: Halloween is a time for horrors… but the most horrifying experiences are often those that occur in every day life. Like for example, the horror of dentistry. Get ready to shake in terror upon reading this true life tale of dental-related horror in an anthology we like to call… THE TELL TALE TOOTH. Enjoy. (Insert cackling laughter here.)]
I remember glancing at the clock when the office doors were kicked in.
A man reeking of wet garbage and stale Mickey’s rushed the reception desk. This scarecrow of a human stormed past a little kid pushing wooden blocks along a swirling metal ring, causing him to cry out in fear.
It took the man three large steps to get face to face with me as I sat behind the reception counter. His beady eyes were piercing. Shaking with panic, my first thought was, “Did I not pay the gas bill?” I don’t know why that was my first thought. There’s no way NW Natural would hire an off-brand, rock bottom, Cosmo Kramer-type to collect customer debts. (Or would they?)
Silently he dug his hand deep into his jeans pocket. After about a minute of jiggling, a crowd of coworkers gathered.
“Sir, how can we help you?”
“You can put THIS back in my fucking head!” he loudly boomed.
He slammed the clutched contents of his pocket onto the freshly sanitized counter. As his crusty, bleeding hand spread open, out poured several clipped fingernails lined with years of grime; tiny balled up bits of paper; a frosted animal cracker; paperclips; a new wave of potent stank; and a front tooth.
“Here’s how this is going to work,” he sneered. “You’re going to get some glue, wipe it on this tooth, shove it back in its hole, and I’m not going to pay shit.”