Thursday, October 17
8:00
NBC FRIENDS
Monica suspects that Chandler is obsessed with “shark porn”–which is gross on so many levels.
8:00
UPN ELECTION–Movie
(1999) Reese Witherspoon stars as a student who stoops to diabolical methods to become student council president (including giving away cupcakes!).
Friday, October 18
8:00
UPN THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK–Movie
(1998) Three retired musketeers set out to replace the evil King Louis XIV with his twin brother (Leonardo DiCaprio)–and they’re both HOT!
8:00
FOX FIREFLY
Jayne lands on a planet where he is a wanted man–and who wouldn’t want a man named “Jayne”?
Saturday, October 19
8:00
UPN REAL WORLD/ROAD RULES CHALLENGE
For those without cable, here’s a good opportunity to see the Road Rules kids puke.
10:30
VH1 LIZA & DAVID’S WEDDING
Speaking of puke, don’t miss David literally cram his tongue down Liza Minnelli’s throat.
Sunday, October 20
9:00
ABC ALIAS
Daddy Jack attempts to save Sydney from her tit-shooting mom.
10:30
HBO CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM
Larry uses news of a personal tragedy to get out of several boring dinner invitations.
Monday, October 21
9:00
FOX GIRLS CLUB
Debut! David E. Kelley’s new show about three hot chick lawyers who experience difficulty because they are three hot chick lawyers.
Tuesday, October 22
8:00
UPN BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
When vengeance demon Anya pulls a particularly gruesome trick, the Scoobies stage a vengeful intervention.
8:00
COM CRANK YANKERS MARATHON
Multiple episodes of foul-mouthed puppets terrorizing helpless housewives, telemarketers and sex workers.
Wednesday, October 23
9:00
ABC THE BACHELOR
A pack of truly sad women fight over a gorgeous hunky man, which makes me wonder, “Where’s MY fawking TV show??”
10:00
COM SOUTH PARK
Stan believes his pet fish may be involved in a string of grisly murders.