You can plan and plan and plan, and the fickle party gods will still cast a cursed shadow upon your gathering. Sometimes we run out of ice, drink all the gin before the first guest arrives, and serve fetid salmon pâté–that’s just the way the party crumbles. It’s okay… really. But if you’ll just watch these movies about massive party fouls, you’ll feel much, much better… I promise.
• Can’t Hardly Wait (1998)–Used-to-be-a-cutey-but-now-a-big-fat-ugly-pig, Ethan Embry is the dorkus maximus who totally wants to score with hotty-pa-totty Jennifer Love Hewitt in this multi-character, John Hughes-high-school-angst homage about a much-anticipated graduation night party. The real party faux pas involves everyone’s favorite guy, Seth Green (in a movie-stealing performance as a wanna-be homeboy), getting locked in the bathroom with his arch nemesis, the lovely Lauren Ambrose (Six Feet Under). Of course, they like “do it” and stuff… it is a party, duh!
• Very Bad Things (1998)–A dead hooker is never funny, unless of course she’s killed at a wild and crazy bachelor party!!! Boys will be boys, and this raucous and annoying movie paints the dark side of hetero male bonding. Christian Slater comes up with a nutjob plan to hide the dead body that yummy fur-ball Jeremy Piven has accidentally impaled on a hotel bathroom hook. Death may be the ultimate party foul, but don’t fret–it’s Hollywood. Everything will be resolved, and you don’t even have to worry one second about losing your rental deposit because someone died in your apartment.
• Slumber Party Massacre (1982)–This bad party gem (penned by gay novelist Rita Mae Brown) is a funny, fast, tongue-in-cheek take on the slasher genre of the early ’80s. You would never guess by the gratuitous T&A video cover that the themes are purely feminist. A bunch of high school honeys gather for a sleepover, but a murderous bad guy with a propensity for power tools becomes a most unwelcome guest. But these girls don’t take it lying down… they FIGHT for their RIGHT to PAAAARTEEE!
• Bachelor Party (1984)–Tom Hanks invites a donkey to his wild ’80s bachelor party, and then kills it with barbituates. I call foul! BRIAN BRAIT