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Stay up to date on Portland news and politics. Looking for fun? Here are the best Things to Do in Portland today.

Everyone, please welcome Michelle O—MIGOD, I LOVE YOUR BOOTS!!
“Everyone, please welcome Michelle O—MIGOD, I LOVE YOUR BOOTS!!” Dia Dipasupil / Staff / Getty

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Too busy fighting wars, trying to make it to Mars. Searching for light and can’t seem to find the right star. LET’S GO TO PRESS.

Happy Winter Solstice, everyone! And after reading the following Good Morning, News, you’ll be very happy that today will be the shortest day of the year.

Defense Secretary Jim Mattis resigned in disgust yesterday following President Trump’s decision to overrule his advisors and quickly withdraw troops from Syria and Afghanistan. This is potentially bad news for everyone who is currently breathing, because Mattis was well-respected and considered one of the last people left in Trump’s orbit who could stop the president from foolhardy acts. GOOD LUCK EVERYBODY!

Trump has made matters much worse for himself by refusing to sign the bipartisan bill that would keep the government open, demanding (like the spoiled child he is) that Congress include money for his racism wall. House Republicans adapted the bill to include wall money, but that’s expected to die a quick death on the Senate floor. And to the surprise of absolutely no one, Trump’s now blaming the Democrats for the shutdown, just days after loudly braying to the world how he would take personal responsibility. The deadline to stop the shutdown is midnight tonight.

(Psst! And just so everyone knows, Trump’s recent spate of terrible decisions [like withdrawing troops and demanding money to build a wall] is most likely because he knows the Mueller investigation is closing in on him and he’s doing anything he can to soothe his increasingly critical base.)

Also in potentially alarming news, this from the New York Times:

Matthew G. Whitaker, who was installed last month as acting attorney general by President Trump, has cleared himself to supervise the special counsel’s investigation, rejecting the recommendation of career Justice Department ethics specialists that he recuse himself, a senior department official said on Thursday.

In his annual Christmas speech, the Pope had a message for priests guilty of sexually assaulting children: The church will not protect them.

TODAY IN “SAME”:

IN LOCAL NEWS: The Oregon Zoo’s beloved Eddie the Sea Otter has died at the ripe old age of 20. Read our heartrending obituary by Mercury otter enthusiasts, Erik Henriksen and Alex Zielinski.

The also beloved SE Hawthorne bar, Chapel Hill, has suddenly and unexpectedly shuttered after less than a year in business.

Now it’s time to report on the WEATHER: A mostly dry day with a high of 45.

And finally, isn’t it time to rewatch one of the greatest holiday performances of all time: *NSYNC’s “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays”? I DO INDEED THINK IT’S TIME.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)