KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP)—After four months of campaigning, Democratic presidential candidate Another White Guy announced on Friday that he’s dropping out of the race, after failing to gain traction in a crowded field of competitors—many of whom were also white and guys.
“To those who put their faith and trust in Another White Guy,” Another White Guy told supporters, “I’m sorry to say that you will not see Another White Guy—at least, not this white guy—in the White House.”
For the entirety of his short-lived campaign, Another White Guy sought to cast himself as the white, male centrist that he thought America desperately needed, or more importantly, felt comfortable with.
“I speak in broad, vague generalities,” Another White Guy told reporters in May, “and that’s the way America likes it!”
And while Another White Guy enjoyed early popularity along with fellow white guy candidates Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, and Pete Buttigieg, support for Another White Guy waned after he refused to reveal his policies.
“Look, you people don’t get it,” he said in early August when asked about his platform. “I don’t need policies. I’m Another White Guy! Leave the so-called ‘policies’ to your Warrens, your Harrises, and your Bookers. I’m white… and, even better, a guy! Which means in America, I don’t have to prove or explain myself! I enter a race, you vote for me, and I walk into office. Bing-bang-boom, I’m Another White Guy!”
In September, Another White Guy’s theory was tested when Democratic candidate Elizabeth Warren emerged as the frontrunner in some national polls.
“Has America has gone bananas?” Another White Guy asked reporters following his concession speech last week. “They want a white guy in office! Or at least a guy, right? And yet Warren is passing Biden in the polls? HAS THE WORLD GONE TOPSY-TURVY?”
“I may be just Another White Guy,” he continued, “but on behalf of all other white guy candidates, this is bull-fucking-shit! We white guys have been prioritized and given opportunities our entire lives—and now these privileges are being stripped away and given to people who aren’t white, aren’t guys, and have struggled their entire lives to get where they are? THIS IS NOT HOW AMERICA WORKS, PEOPLE! You all may have tossed me aside, but as god as my witness, you have not seen the last of me!“
As of press time, Another White Guy has taken a job selling tires for Les Schwab and is considering starting a podcast.
“For the entirety of his short-lived campaign, Another White Guy sought to cast himself as the white, male centrist that he thought America desperately needed, or more importantly, felt comfortable with.
“I speak in broad, vague generalities,” Another White Guy told reporters in May, “and that’s the way America likes it!” …
““Look, you people don’t get it,” he said in early August when asked about his platform. “I don’t need policies. I’m Another White Guy! Leave the so-called ‘policies’ to your Warrens, your Harrises, and your Bookers. I’m white… and, even better, a guy! Which means in America, I don’t have to prove or explain myself! I enter a race, you vote for me, and I walk into office. Bing-bang-boom, I’m Another White Guy!”
I don’t recall reading much in the PoTown MERC or many other papers during the 8 years of Obama-Biden-Holder-Geithner-Pritzker about the startling continuity that surprised those of US who campaigned for desperately seeking ‘change’ in 2007-08. Back when an off-white well-spoken Ivy League Professor turned street cred code switching hoopster and Chicago Community Organizer was busy winning a place in the most exclusive Private Interest Club in the world by becoming Illinois U.S. Senator, Barak Barry Obama. Who despite packaging himself in his youthful idealistic memoirs titled AUDACITY OF HOPE and DREAMS FROM MY FATHER then became a serious candidate to get rid of the Bush-Cheney-Baker-Greenspan-Paulson-Rummy-Powell-Rice team that led US into a War in Saddam Hussein’s Iraq, the most fearsome anti-Islamist regime in the Arab World after close Bush and Baker family friends who were Saudi Islamists attacked US on 9-11-01.
After 8 years of worsening the House of Clinton’s legacy of Neo-Liberal E-CON policy outcomes so warmly embraced by Reagan-Bush Neo-Cons of the Daddy Warbucks regime changing secret wars persuasion, including Mass Incarceration of mostly African-Americans, furthering Reagan-Bush-Greenspan financialization of every institution including National Security and burgeoning Silicon Valley Surveillance Capitalism (look up Shoshana Zuboff’s work online cuz she wasn’t much welcome in the Golden Rolodexes of either Fox News or MSNBC), meanwhile privatization of everything not nailed down including Public Education through Higher Education (while keeping We the Public Interest on the hook socializing liabilities of Junk Bonds & risky business “innovations” like those of our bankssupermarkets of financial services and Student Loans that Washington made with our money to scandalous Hedge Fund schemes that collapsed in the corporate bankruptcies of Profit-Maximizing Trade Colleges such as those of the hundreds of campuses that fell like houses of cards under the dba ITT and CORINTHIAN COLLEGES under Obama-Biden); all the while dis-mantling and furthering de-regulation of sturdy protections in place since THE GREAT DEPRESSION and WALL STREET COLLAPSE of 1929, like the GLASS STEAGALL ACT…
The next generation of US won’t learn much about that decline of the Empire at UCLA’s School of Law’s MILKEN INSTITUTE FOR BUSINESS LAW and ETHICS:
https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2011/08/lowell-milken-institute-ucla/
Give a leesten and mebbe not buy into our color-coded Identity Politics over here on our so-called Progressive side of the Duopoly aired over on community radio KBOO 90.7 FM and audio archived on their website here for our convenient continuing education:
https://kboo.fm/media/75669-obamas-unending-wars-fronting-foreign-policy-permanent-warfare-state
Ciao, bella
Tio MitchitoParadigm Sifters & Shifters
Lay-Low Studios, Ore-Wa
Media Disc-US-sion List
Racist AND sexist article title – way to go Mercury
Reads like The Onion. I liked the first few paragraphs & then lost interest, but still, the only post in this weeks’ Merc I was tempted to read.