KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP)—After four months of campaigning, Democratic presidential candidate Another White Guy announced on Friday that he’s dropping out of the race, after failing to gain traction in a crowded field of competitors—many of whom were also white and guys. “To those who put their faith and trust in Another White Guy,” Another […]
Donald Henderson
I'm just another white guy too.
Posted inComedy
Two Months After Announcing Presidential Bid, Another White Guy Declares Himself the Democratic Nominee
KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP)—In late May of 2019, Democratic candidate Another White Guy entered the presidential race, and immediately secured a top-three position in the national polls alongside fellow white guys Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders. However, in the weeks following the two Democratic debates, Another White Guy has seen his popularity slipping. This inspired […]
Posted inComedy
In Unanimous Vote, Portland Pets Vow to Bite the Ass of Anyone Using Fireworks
PORTLAND (AP)—During an emergency session of the Portland Association of Pets and Owned Animals (PAPOA), the organization unanimously voted to overrule current bylaws and allow animals to “severely bite the ass” of humans in “possession of or using” fireworks. “Look, enough is enough,” said PAPOA president Chick’n’Noodle, an eight-year-old golden retriever. “For years, the pets […]
Posted inComedy
Report: Another White Guy Enters Presidential Race
KUPICOO / GETTY IMAGES KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP)—Despite being the 24th Democratic candidate to enter the race for the coming 2020 presidential election, Another White Guy has announced he is throwing his hat into the ring. “Honestly, I never considered running for the presidency,” Another White Guy said to a packed room of reporters. “But […]
Posted inComedy
In Crowded Democratic Field, Another White Guy Announces Bid for 2020 Presidency
KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP)—Despite being the 24th Democratic candidate to enter the race for the coming 2020 presidential election, Another White Guy has announced he is throwing his hat into the ring. “Honestly, I never considered running for the presidency,” Another White Guy said to a packed room of reporters. “But someone has to stand […]
Posted inComedy
Local Business So Terrible, Neighbors Beg for a Condo
PORTLAND, Ore. (AP)—Portland’s recent development boom has been a thorn in the side of many activist groups, who have bemoaned the rapid changes—particularly the inclusion of high-rise condos—to their neighborhoods. However, in Portland’s Buckman neighborhood, residents are actually begging for condos if it will mean losing a much loathed nearby business. Hookah Brother Up—a combination […]
Posted inPortland
New Column!
Local Business So Terrible, Neighbors Beg for a Condo
Local business so terrible, neighbors beg for a condo.
Posted inComedy
New Column! “State Considers Replacing DEQ with DQ”
PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) — The anger and frustration of Portland residents regarding toxic air emanating from local glass companies have reached the ears of legislators in Salem, who have already landed on a possible solution: replacing the Department of Environmental Quality (DEQ) with Dairy Queen (DQ). “If you think about it, there’s only one letter […]
Posted inNew Column!
New Column!
State Considers Replacing DEQ with DQ
Breaking News: State Considers Replacing DEQ with DQ