People for Portland crybabies may have influenced city leaders to continue letting the Thompson Elk slow traffic and bikes. Credit: PHOTOGRAPHS IN THE CAROL M. HIGHSMITH ARCHIVE, LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, PRINTS AND PHOTOGRAPHS DIVISION.

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People for Portland crybabies may have influenced city leaders to continue letting the Thompson Elk slow traffic and bikes.
People for Portland crybabies may have influenced city leaders to continue letting the Thompson Elk slow traffic and bikes. PHOTOGRAPHS IN THE CAROL M. HIGHSMITH ARCHIVE, LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, PRINTS AND PHOTOGRAPHS DIVISION.

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Are you ready for the weekend? Expect a possibility of showers for the next three days with highs in the upper 50s. Now let’s friggin’ do some NEWS!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Get ready for some very annoying déjà vu: So four years ago, Portland’s citizen police accountability group (that the Department of Justice demanded) was a mess, and was forced to take a “break” to regroup before ultimately disbanding. Ugh, right? Welp, this week the newest incarnation of this group is in similar dire straits, and guess what Mayor Ted Wheeler just asked for? Another “break.” Will this situation end up like the last? Our Alex Zielinski breaks it all down for you.

• The commission assigned to suggest changes to Portland’s antiquated form of government is getting closer to a recommendation they’ll bring before voters in November—at present they’re leaning toward more than doubling the number of council members who would represent each district, implement ranked-choice voting, and get rid of the May primaries, along with other changes.

• Today in “Oh FFS”: Thanks to a lot of whining, angry emails from People for Portland’s gullible followers, the city is now backtracking on its plans to put the Thompson Elk statue on a smaller base, and will most likely place it back on top of an unnecessarily large traffic and bike lane-blocking horse drinking fountain… because downtown Portland has so many HORSES.

• With all the anti-trans legislation that Republicans across the country are trying to shove down our throats, how does this affect Oregon healthcare providers who are helping trans kids with gender-affirming care? They are busier than ever. Abe Asher has more on the important work being done.

• This week in the wickedly fun POP QUIZ PDX: Answer sassy trivia about local scandals, enter to win FREE PIZZA from our pals at Atlas Pizza, and (you know you want one) choose your new dad! 🧐

IN NATIONAL/INTERNATIONAL NEWS:

• Talks resume between Ukraine and Russia as the evacuation of citizens from war-torn Mariupol begins—and already Putin’s forces are being accused of hampering the agreed upon efforts. Meanwhile Russia is accusing Ukraine of making their first airstrike on Russian soil, bombing one of their gas depots.

• The Pope has apologized for the deplorable actions of some of Canada’s Catholic-run residential schools which tried to convert Indigenous children while also physically and sexually abusing them.

• Look out, abusive cops: A federal jury has awarded a whopping $14 million to 12 Denver protesters who were pelted with pepper balls and a lead-filled bag by overzealous, violent police during a 2020 demonstration over the killing of George Floyd.

• One of the most likable stars of the Biden Administration, White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki, will reportedly leave her job in the spring to join the staff of MSNBC.

• I think I should be happy about this… wait. Should I be happy about this? “U.S. Navy to Name Ship After Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.”

• New Harry Styles music drop, y’all!

• AHOY THERE, STONERS! The SPLIFF Film Festival—featuring short, hilarious, trippy, and thoughtful mini-movies about cannabis and made by stoners just like YOU—is coming to Revolution Hall for one night only on Saturday, April 16! GET THOSE TICKETS NOW! (And btw, you can still stream the very sexy 2022 edition of HUMP all through the month of April!)

• And finally… me, trying to get into the weekend!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)