1. Which brand makes the best glass dildos? Asking for a friend!
“Glass toys are not only gorgeous, but also provide an amazing experience thanks to their weight, smooth surface, temperature-play options, and compatibility with any kind of lubricant,” said Jeneen Doumitt, the owner of SheBop, a Portland-based sex toy shop. “One of our favorite brands is Crystal Delights, a small glass toy maker based in Washington that offers a wide array of products at various price points. Best known for their butt plugs, they also have dildo options such as the Galaxy Curve. For more options and reasons why glass is a fantastic choice, check out our online post: She Bop’s Guide to Glass Toys!”
P.S. The existence of safe-for-use quality glass dildos is not a green light to put fluorescent light bulbs in your pussies (it could shatter) or shot glasses up your asses (they will get lost in there). Don’t be dumb.
You can follow SheBop on Instagram @SheBopTheShop and shop for toys on their website or at one of their two silicone-dick-and-mortar locations in Portland.
2. My on again/off again ex of many years was recently widowed. We had our difficulties, but we also had some great sex. I was thinking of making one more run at her. What would be a considerate time to wait before approaching her?
Judging from a recent question from a widowed caller and some helpful feedback from two women who lost their husbands, widows’ fire—“a disorienting, intense, and unwelcome surge of sexual desire occurring after partner loss,” according to the Association for Death Education and Counseling—kicks in at about six months. I would suggest sending your condolences at least three months before sending a “Hey, you up?” text. (And, yes, there’s a dating app specifically for widows and widowers experiencing widow’s fire.)
3. My wife of 16 years has begun to lose interest in sex in a BIG way. We are on completely different wavelengths regarding the frequency of sex and the variety of sex. (Particularly pegging.) How do I remain in this marriage when I feel that a HUGE part of me is being neglected?
Before the commenters jump in: Are you doing something wrong? Are you doing everything wrong? Are you neglecting your personal hygiene? Are you doing your fair share of the household labor? And when you do have sex—which isn’t as often or as varied as you would like—is your wife getting off? (You only mention one sex act—pegging—and while many women enjoy pegging their male partners, none of your wife’s nerve endings are located in a dildo.) If you’re doing everything right and the sex is infrequent and unfulfilling, you have four options: ask for permission to get it elsewhere, get it elsewhere without permission, leave in the hopes of getting it elsewhere, or stay and suck it up.
4. How do you find a third for a threesome?
If you’re a gay couple, you can go to a bar or bathhouse or create a joint couples account on Threads or Instagram and wait for one of the “normalize monogamy in the gay community” boys to slide into your DMs. If you’re a straight couple, you can get on a hookup app like Feeld or 3Fun or #Open. Good luck!
5. Forty-year age gaps?
I will not tolerate any hate being directed at Dick Van Dyke—that man is a national treasure. Yes, his wife is 46 years younger than he is, but they seem very happy together and love is love is love.
P.S. Age gaps are good actually.
6. Is there an evolutionary reason for prostate pleasure/orgasms?
“Great question,” said Dr. Matilda Brindle, an evolutionary biologist at the University of Oxford. “I wish there was more research into this—just as I wish there was more research into the female orgasm. (People just throw their hands up and look the other way because, hey, if it’s not a penis, who gives a shit!?!) I’m no expert in this, but my answer would probably be that the prostate is densely packed with nerves because it’s crucial for ejaculation, which requires surprisingly precise motor control. For obvious reasons, ejaculating is pretty important for reproduction! So, given that the prostate is a control center for ejaculation, prostate pleasure is probably closely linked to the same neural circuitry that makes penile orgasms feel good. It’s possible that prostate-only orgasms could be a way of reinforcing prostate massage, which might help relieve conditions like prostatitis, but there’s no solid evidence for this—scientists need to get researching!”
Follow Dr. Brindle on BlueSky @matildabrindle and on Instagram @DrMatildaBrindle.
7. How old is too old for a sex club?
It depends on the club, it depends on the night (some have nights for under 30s), and it depends on your tolerance for shitty techno music and rejection—but the latter is true for everybody, regardless of age.
8. Is anal fisting just not possible for some people given their physiology?
Where there’s a will, there’s a way—except when it comes to fisting, which simply isn’t possible for some people. Which is fine! Not everything has to be for and/or get shoved into everybody.
9. I helped a chick I’m dating move and discovered they have a large Nazi flag in their closet. Run?
Yes—but Captain Von Trapp that thing first.
10. Best pegging position for a newbie?
Missionary, doggie, cowgirl: one or all of the usuals should work. Go slow, use lots of lube, and let the person being penetrated—let the peggee—control the pace and depth of penetration at first.
•••••••••
Read the rest of this week’s column here! And this week on the Lovecast: An Australian woman would like advice on pegging a military man.
Our guest is NYT writer Christine Emba. Her book Rethinking Sex: A Provocation made a big splash, and added to the cultural conversation about feminism and female desire. She and Dan talk about “looks maxers,” the emotional intelligence gap between men and women, and why Gen Z folks aren’t dating. A bit of this great convo is on the Micro and the whole thing is on the Magnum.
And, a woman reconnected with an old high school classmate that she had a crush on back in the day. It turns out she still does! But he’s married. The question is, is he happily married? And are they open? LISTEN HERE!
