[Got an anonymous confession or rant you just have to share with the world? Submit it to I, Anonymous HERE!—eds]
Dear Mushroom Taffy Man,
We found you and were immediately smitten. Your goods are delicious, full of laughs and joy. You make shows brighter, Saturday afternoons with our children more enjoyable, and Sunday brunch even more hilarious. But then you ghosted us. Where did you and your ever fun globs of joy go? We heard your kitchen is too small to keep up with demand. Too many middle aged Portlanders found you and the result was disastrous. We can only blame the age we are living through.
We miss you Mushroom Taffy Man, you are needed.—Anonymous