I demand to watch the direct-to-DVD Anaconda 3: Offspring immediately, not only because I’ve already wasted four hours of my life by watching both Anaconda and Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, but because it stars motherfucking David Hasselhoff, who is a really good actor.

See how good he is at pretending to dial a phone number? Really good.

Anyway, today is “deadline day” or whatever at the paper, but fuck that. Videorama opens at noon and I am going there then and I am renting Anaconda 3: Offspring and then I am going to go home and have a beer or four and watch it. Probably twice. Coworkers, good luck putting out this paper without me. Or whatever, actually; I don’t even give a shit. I am spending the afternoon with a bunch of baby snakes and David Hasselhoff, and that is all I can think about at the moment.

Via FilmDrunk.

With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.

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