Like many Portlanders, I have been stuck for the last 36 hours wherever I happened to be late Saturday night. Bizarrely, this means I have taken up temporary residence in “Fang House” — the Southeast flop of local underage punk band White Fang. I had never met anyone in White Fang before Saturday night but I can now tell you with certainty that they are surprisingly clean kids who blast Fleetwood Mac, do their dishes and cook a mean chicken drumstick.

I imagine there being stuck-in-Fang-House type scenes playing out all over town this week, where people are forced by the nature into close and constant company of strangers. I woke up on Sunday morning in the company of other sofa-crashers, including one guy who was stranded and cross-eyed because he’d broken his glasses in the White Fang mosh pit. The bitter wind howled outside. No way was I riding my bike home in the Arctic Death Blast! And thanks to short-sighted Saturday night planning, my purse contained only one Hamm’s, two comic books and exactly no money for emergency bus fare. A much better idea than scraping up two TriMet dollars was to grab every item in Fang House vaguely resembling a sled and head to Brooklyn Park, where a once-grassy slope was already lined with children in snow suits. The skateboard deck made a better sled than the pizza box and once, laying at the bottom of the hill after crashing on the completely shitty sled/yoga mat, a little kid rolled right into me on his inflatable inner tube. “THIS IS AMAZING!” the kid yelled and I 100 percent agreed.

Sarah Shay Mirk reported on transportation, sex and gender issues, and politics at the Mercury from 2008-2013. They have gone on to make many things, including countless comics and several books.

31 replies on “Holed Up in “Fang House””

  3. I’m over in Bend, but can someone explain to me why “many” Portlanders have been stuck wherever they were Saturday night for the last 36 hours?

    I mean, I know you all got snow over there, but … what? It wasn’t, like, even a foot, was it?

  5. Timidity, GLV? What’s so wrong with putting safety (and sledding) first?

    And C.O.B., unlike in Bend or the Midwest or “back east” the city doesn’t spring into salt and chemical action the minute flakes start falling. The roads aren’t impassible here but they’re intimidatingly icy. More importantly, snow is such an exceptional event here that it’s a good excuse to take a day off and enjoy the experience. Rather than thumbing your nose at snow wusses and going about business as usual, everyone who can should seize the chance to stay put and drink hot chocolate.

  7. “the city doesn’t spring into salt and chemical action the minute flakes start falling.”

    That’s a big mistake. Salt prevents ice from forming. Cold weather for 5 days prevents ice from melting. Employed persons need to get to work.

    “The roads aren’t impassible here but they’re intimidatingly icy.”

    Not to someone who has experienced the season known as “winter.” I can still see my grass for fucks sake, yet the city is basically shut down.

  9. On a note of actual real life advice; buy one of the trimet Ticket Books and keep some of the tickets in your wallet. It’s $20 for 10 tickets so you don’t actually save any money, but you’ll be thankful the next time you need to take the bus randomlly.

  10. An inch of snow doesn’t warrant salt on the roads.

    An inch of snow!

    Honestly, I’m not comparing you guys to Bend or anywhere else. An inch of snow *anywhere* – especially anywhere outside the southern border states – should not paralyze *anyone.*

    Ridiculous.

    Oh, and if I didn’t “go about business as usual” when it snowed an inch, I wouldn’t have a job.

  12. C.O.B, for clarification:

    “Oh, and if I didn’t “go about business as usual” when it snowed an inch, I wouldn’t have a job.”

    Sarah doesn’t actually have a job.

  17. I think the bottom line is that people were crashing cars all over the place yesterday, and so it’s totally reasonable to stay in. And not all of us have giant balls due to growing up in place where it snowed in winter. Where I grew up, the city practically shut down when it rained. Not all cities are the same! An inch of snow is exciting, and I’m happy that my Real Job (at PSU) declared a snow day today.

  21. I don’t have giant balls because I grew up in a place where it snowed. I grew up in a place where it didn’t snow – the South.

    And then I moved to snow country – 150 inches a year, mind you (not Bend) – and I dealt with it like an adult.

  22. I’m sorry I didn’t spend my hard earned money on snow chains that I don’t know how to put on or that I never bothered to learn how to drive in the snow for the one week that Portland has snow. I’m from Southern California; I’m almost scared to drive in the rain, but I deal with it… like an adult.

  23. Oh please. It’s ONE INCH OF SNOW. You put on your seatbelt, drive slower, and go where you need to go. You DON’T NEED CHAINS to drive paved city streets in one inch of snow.

    Are you people serious? Holy fuck, this must be the “nanny state” I keep hearing about.

  25. You guys are hilarious, and a little bit sad. This was a post about having fun in the snow, and also about being stuck because she didn’t want to ride her bike home on the ice. Driving wasn’t the issue. Can’t you just let a girl have a little winter adventure?

  26. Only in Portland. It’s stuff like this that endears me more to the Rose City! I can get away with calling in on a snow day. Here in Spoklahoma, it could probably get me canned.

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