Letters to the Editor

LISTLESS

DEAR MERCURY—It is sad to see what a narrow musical
world is reflected in your article “The Year in Lists” [Music, Dec 18].
Certainly, there was much that was worthy, but no jazz, no blues, no
classical, no folk, no “world.” What an insular little community you
all live in.  

Anonymous

BLAMING AMY

DEAR MERCURY—Not invited back in 2009 [“Not Invited
Back,” Feature, Dec 25]: Amy J. Ruiz. Amy has never reflected the true
spirit of this town and instead has acted more like a damn nanny than
an advocate for those who care about what this town could be, or is
becoming, rather. Meanwhile, it appears she has Eskimo kissed enough
back doors with city officials and the PDC [Portland Development
Commission] to land a job where her crappy opinions might actually
cause some damage.

Zachary Christensen

THE NEW UNICORNS

DEAR MERCURY—To say that there are no hipsters in
Portland is like saying there were no hippies in San Francisco, no
punks in New York [“Not Invited Back,” Feature, Dec 25]. The
problem with hipsters is their lack of purpose and ideas. They are
not the angry young men and women of counter-culture past, they are
leaches of culture. Being a hipster is the opposite of a movement;
it’s a crawl toward death. Like an unconscious addict,
of course no one admits to being one.

Jake Rose

BULLSEYE!!!

DEAR EDITORS—I will be damned if you guys have not picked our
brains every single year. [“Not Invited Back,” Feature, Dec 25] THIS
ARTICLE IS EXACT ON EVERY SUBJECT—leaving no “blogosphere”
unpopped. The Mercury clearly does know what time it is in this
town, through crosshairs, and is invited back for ’09 and every single
week of the millennium!

  The Mormon Tween Canvasser

AWESOME CRAP

TO THE EDITOR—It is a good thing that I was on the toilet when
I read Graham Barey’s article “Gods Among Mortal Men,” [Music, Dec 25]
because it made me crap in awe and anger. The reason Sandpeople haven’t
broken “out of the small pond and into the wider ocean of sound” is
because there is only so far you can go on songs about “how good
Portland weed is” and “why you are such a nasty rapper.” Barey is
obviously one of the many ignorant heads choking the local hiphop scene
by choking on testicles of the Sandpeople. I advise immediate jocking
removal surgery.

Maximum Savage

WHEREFORE ART THOU?

DEAR MR. HUMPY—You may not know this, but I am in love with
you. Every Thursday I wait at the nearest Mercury drop for the
white van to come by, but alas, you have better things/women to do.
Last year I received the wonderful Christmas gift of your picture
glazing the cover, along with “Chocolate Santa.” I immediately cut out
his face and replaced it with my own, because the image of you sitting
on my lap was the best cover of all. I proceeded to change my pants.
This year, I was let down; no picture of my Humpy, no masturbation aids
and one lonely me. WHY STEVIE????!!! WHY??????!!!!! Where does that
leave me? Crying on the curb of the Mercury drop site, the
company van splashing me with the rainwater, as you pull out from the
gutter of my heart.

Channaj Humphrey

CONGRATULATIONS TO CHANNAJ for… er… We think you are
referring to the absence of a new Merc last Thursday, yeah?
Well, we were on a wee holiday, but we’re back! So dry your tears with
two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch at No Fish! Go Fish!,
where nobody ever cries.