IF YOU’RE ANYTHING LIKE ME, you spent 1992 rushing home from school
to catch Batman: The Animated Series. Back then, Christian Bale
was just that singing prick from Newsies, because Batman WAS
Kevin Conroy. Mark Hamill WAS The Joker. Robin WAS… probably dead. My
memory gets a little fuzzy beyond the big two.
Hoping to tap that lucrative vein of nostalgia, Batman: Arkham
Asylum reunites the key members of The Animated Series‘
vocal cast. Honestly, Arkham should really be called Kevin
Conroy and Luke Skywalker Argue While You Push Buttons and Smile (with a bonus subtitle reminding buyers that a “T” rating means Mr.
Hamill gets to call people “bitches” and insert puns about killing
babies). Even if the game were a mess, developer Rocksteady Studios’
decision to pay extra for those golden voices would have guaranteed
sales to all those twentysomethings who fondly recall watching the
show.
It’s almost a happy bonus that Arkham also hits every other
note in the game development rulebook perfectly. The dark, surprisingly
expansive world of Gotham’s asylum rivals blockbusters like
BioShock and Fallout 3 in the aesthetics department.
After you’ve stopped staring at the shiny walls and Mr. Wayne’s flowing
cape, Arkham‘s gameplay never remotely approaches boring. It
changes almost completely from one moment to the next—from
searching for clues in crime scenes to playing 2D, hallucinatory
hide-and-seek with the Scarecrow, to sneaking through Arkham Asylum’s
hallways and choking inmates into oblivion. Then, once you beat the
game, you have 16 surprisingly addictive challenge mode levels, and 240
Riddler Challenge puzzles to solve. Screw multiplayer, Arkham doesn’t need it to earn your $60.
My only gripe is that in Arkham, the voice of Commissioner
Gordon is not coming out of Bob Hastings, who voiced the dude for
The Animated Series. (To be fair, though, Hastings just hit 84,
so he’s probably busy punching Death in the throat.) Otherwise
Batman: Arkham Asylum is not just the best game starring the
dark knight, it’s the best action game to hit shelves this year.
“Who the hell u callin a prick????? FUCK KEVIN CONROY,CHRISTIAN BALE IS THE BEST MOST SEXIEST MOST GENUINE BATMAN EVER TO DON THE FREAKIN SUIT,CAPE,OR COWL!!!!!! Stop pickin on him,jealous much??? Conroy can kiss my Bat ass,cause Christian will be back in black come 2011!!!!! Christian ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BALEHEADS RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULE!!!!!!!!!!!!