The world’s ending Saturday, but Barack Obama tonight will deliver a seminal speech on how America should engage with the new Middle East, which is still filled with as many despots, zealots, and broken American promises as the old one was. He’ll be lavishing aid on revolutionized places like Egypt and likely throwing sticks and stones at mean places like Syria.
The world’s ending Saturday, but someone else was getting ready to talk about the Arab Spring, even recording a tape… until, that is, a team of Navy SEALs assassinated him.
The world’s ending Saturday, but a pair of bombings outside an Iraqi cop station—in an attack that bears the imprint of Al-Qaida (yep, still here!)—have killed 27 people.
The world’s ending Saturday, but white Europeans are still desperate to keep control of the International Monetary Fund, now that its director has resigned the post while he stews in a New York City jail on rape charges.
The world’s ending Saturday, but the FBI is still trying to persuade the Unabomber to give them his DNA (not like David Crosby) so they can decide whether he also gave the world the still-unsolved 1982 Tylenol poisonings.
The world’s ending Saturday, but 94-year-old Zsa Zsa Gabor has decided to sleep through it and lapse into a coma instead. Her feeding tube, a spokesperson says helpfully, was “bleeding… like a fountain.”
The world’s ending Saturday, but Senate Republicans are getting ready to filibuster the president’s pick of a obviously communist, left-wing, etc. Berkeley professor to the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals (which includes Oregon, just sayin’).
The world’s ending Saturday, but Al Gore is complaining that Rupert Murdoch has kicked Current TV off his satellite service in Italy (one of the rare spots on Earth where people actually watch Current) because the network has hired Keith Olbermann.
The world’s ending Saturday, but if Arnold Schwarzenegger really cared about his love child, he wouldn’t make them live in Bakersfield, California. Yuck.
The world’s ending Saturday, but Harold Camping and his ilk will still gladly take your money on May 22. Also, no refunds!
This joke is gonna stop being funny on Saturday when I get raptured on Saturday and you mutherfuckers are gonna be stuck here doing whatever the fuck it is un-raptured people do.
We will be splitting up your stuff.
Dibs on Graham’s mustache!!
If, by any chance (which I doubt), there actually is a here-after with a section known as Hell, I hope there is a special place reserved there for Harold and his ilk. They are nothing but money hungry scumbags.
@Joenser: Moustache is coming with me; even if I need to dick-punch St Peter to get it into heaven.
Like I said, am so happy for the naive-moral-repressive kind. You will get raptured, yes, you will. But you will get raptured by aliens who will levitate you to their motherships to be used as food and fuel for their intergalactic travels. That´s all.
Sinners, you all will be safe.
Does Harold realize he is already dead?
As long as this Judgment Day thing doesn’t interfere with the Twilight Singers concert at the Wonder, I don’t care.
You should give away your stuff before the rapture so you know who got it.
This happened with the New Apostolics and they were shocked when there were “no take backs”.
Saturday’s not good for me. We’ll have to reschedule.
So Graham has a moustache? That’s one of those facts where, now that I know it, it’s as if I’ve always known it.
My question is, if the Rapture occurs Saturday, why do these TV preachers keep asking for money? Do they think that Heaven is a pay -as -you go place? If they are all leaving on Saturday, what happens to all the money they have hornswoggled all the gullible people out of?