Good Morning, News!

Forty-two Senate Republicans all held hands and leaped over a political cliff yesterday, voting for an upstart Wisconsin lawmaker’s plan to privatize Medicare. How toxic is this issue for the GOP’s reliable base—y’know, subsidized-scooter-riding old people? In a special election in New York this week, a seat held by Republicans for 40 years suddenly went Democratic. Because things don’t change: Cut social programs, voters say, just not any of the ones I use.

A Bosnian Serb general blamed for the slaughter of 8,000 Muslim men and boys has been arrested after 16 years on the lam. Before orchestrating the genocidal massacre, Ratko Mladic was seen giving candy to the same children he later ordered shot.

Meet some of Moammar Qaddafi’s lesser-known (alleged) accomplices: Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, HSBC Holdings and Société Générale. The Libyan strongman has had lots of help investing his nation’s billions in assets.

Wisconsin’s controversial anti-union law has been held up once again, after a circuit court judge says lawmakers violated open-meetings rules to bully it onto the governor’s desk. Next stop? Another courtroom. And then another and another…

Arizona has bad news for childless smokers and/or fat people: Drawing from state-funded medical programs could cost an extra $50. There would be an exemption for chubby smokers who have cancer.

Oregon Senator Ron Wyden is sounding the alarm: There’s a secret layer to the USA Patriot Act. Basically, the government has a different idea than you do about when the law should be used, and—of course!—that interpretation is classified.

Causing a bit of sticker shock, the Pentagon has said that building an operating a fleet of advanced new fighter planes could cost $1 trillion over the next 50 years. Why not slice a little more from Medicare?

We are livestock awaiting the mercy of the slaughterhouse bullets. Our cubicles are fattening pens.

Malware wipes the smug from Mac devotees’ faces, and now Apple is working on a software update. I’m going to work on my apology to my mother, after persuading her to convert because, “hey, that shit doesn’t happen to Macs.”

More ongoing coverage of a Portland police whistle-blowing trial. “When you worked at the Portland Police Bureau, you’ve never seen anyone retaliate?”… “I saw officers retaliate against citizens, yes.”

The $50,000-a-month luxury apartment where the maid-rape-accused former head of the International Monetary Fund has been sent to serve his bail almost wasn’t available. Cameron Diaz reportedly wanted to rent it earlier this year.

HEY, BUTT STEAKS! IT IS TIME TO GET READY FOR THE SUMMER!