OMG. I am SO super incensed about the goddamn filthy words kids use these days. And even worse, their fucking parents are happily enabling this kind of shit-mouthed behavior! For example, check out this filthy, filthy baby and the disgusting, filthy, NSFW verbal diarrhea pouring from her filthy, filthy mouth. (Headphones up, people! You don’t want to get fired because of this filthy foul-mouthed brat!)

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)