Hey Mayor Sam Adams!
Two things: 1) It was nice to see you at The Big Float last Sunday. 2) You should get a tank. You can use a tank for all sorts of things—for example, you can use it to run over and crush expensive cars illegally parked in the bike lanes, just like Mayor Arturas Zuokas of Vilnius, Lithuania. Behold:
True, we don’t have a huge problem with expensive cars parked in the bike lanes, but a tank could also be useful for running over the Oregonian‘s editorial board. (If you did that, it wouldn’t matter if you chose to run again or not—you’d get enough write-in votes to win.)

I’m cool with it, especially if we get to run over bicyclists making traffic infractions.
Seems more Randy Leonard’s style.
I’m cool with it, especially if we get to run over ________ making traffic infractions.
I’m cool with it, expecially if we get to blow stop signs in it.
Don’t Portland Police already have a tank ?
He’s definitely got my vote.