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“Someone get Newt a paper towel,” says hot tipper Patrick. A paper towel. Not a napkin. A napkin is not a paper towel. A paper towel is a paper towel. A napkin is a napkin. And only a nation that has lost its way uses napkins to wipe up santorum. Wiping up santorum is a paper towel’s job.

In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist, the author of several books, and the host of the Savage Lovecast, Savage is “a deviant of the highest order” (Daily Caller)....