"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Sometimes life is a bottomless pit of shit-filled despair. But other times? IT IS JUST SO AMAZING I WANT TO DRY HUMP THE SKY!!! Today is one of those days, my friends, because the Lifetime network (home of the most hilariously bad chick flicks known to womankind—remember Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? starring TORI MOTHERCLUCKING SPELLING???) has just released its new trailer for the upcoming Drew Peterson: Untouchable TV movie (premiering Jan 21) starring Rob Lowe from Community Parks & Recreation and St. Elmo’s Fire!

I could try to describe the beauty that’s wrapped up within this trailer, but I would just end up beating the shit out of any word that attempted to describe how awesome this is. OKAY! PANT, PANT! I’M HYPERVENTILATING, AND I’M HYPERBOLIC. In reality, it’s not that good. It’s fan-fucking-tastic!

Oh, just watch for the love of Christ.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
  • “SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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