As you may have heard, September was "Bike Commute Challenge" month across Portland, and once again the Mercury gleefully competed against a host of other like-minded companies... and lost, most notably because of the fat-assed laziness of Ezra Caraeff and Alison Hallett, who signed up and promptly didn't ride a single day. (Nice work, guys. My faith in your lack of ambition remains undisturbed.)
HOWEVER! It is with some pleasure to note that I once again won our inter-office bike challenge competition for the third year in a row. It is with even greater pleasure to note that our own Sarah Mirk incorrectly predicted I would lose—despite the fact that I had soundly defeated everyone in the office for the last two years. Here's what she predicted:
"My expectation is that Joe will bike the most of anyone in the office, followed by Noah and Steve and then Nami."—Sarah Mirk in an email addressed to the Mercury office, dated August 31, 11:49 am.
And here are the final results:
I would like to congratulate all of my competitors (except, of course, fat-ass Ezra and Alison, whose only talent seems to be ruining everything for everybody) and hope that Sarah has learned a valuable lesson that everyone else already seems to know: UNDERESTIMATE ME AT YOUR OWN FUCKING PERIL.