You may have noticed that for some utterly inexplicable reason, when it comes to McDonald's restaurants, people in Portland have a very negative attitude. To get to the bottom of this, I went straight to the source. What follows is an exclusive interview with the McDonald's restaurant on MLK and Weidler.

Aaron: McDonald's, you're a really good restaurant. Why do you think people in Portland hate your guts so much?

McDonald's: ""

Okay, sorry, bad question. So, how do you feel about the vehement opposition to franchises opening up on Hawthorne and MLK Blvds?

""

Uh, are you pleading the fifth?

""

Thanks for the interview, asshole!

""

So the bottom line is, people hate McDonald's because they're fucking jerks in interviews!--AARON BEAM