San Rafael Cafe 415 NE San Rafael 284-2030 Dalo’s Kitchen 4134 N Vancouver On the rare occasion that I discover a jewel like the San Rafael Cafe, I’m torn. On the one hand, I don’t want anyone to know about it, so I can visit as often as I like without fear of having to […]
Aaron Beam
Posted inBooks
The Complete Peanuts 1950-1952
The Complete Peanuts 1950-1952 Charles M. Schulz (Fantagraphics) I read Peanuts my whole life, and I don’t know why. It never made me laugh. The gags were lame and predictable. Lucy was always going to pull the ball away right before Charlie Brown could kick it. Snoopy was always going to type “It was a […]
Posted inUncategorized
Oh Great, Now I Hate Boobs
A Breast-Lover’s Nightmare
Hooters 11995 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale Hwy 646-9464 If the editors at the Mercury thought they could send me to Hooters and I would come back with a review of the food, they are insane. All I care about–all I have ever cared about since a milk allergy forced me to suck formula from a bottle– is […]
Posted inUncategorized
Like Your Best Friend’s Mom
Otto’s Has the Answers
Otto’s Sausage Kitchen 4138 SE Woodstock 771-6714 Remember when you were growing up, how your best friend’s mom made sandwiches that always tasted better than the ones your own mom made? Your best friend’s mom always added that one extra special thing that your mom just didn’t love you enough to do. She’d shred the […]
Posted inGeneral
There’s Lots of Fish in the Sea…
But You’re The Only One I Want To Mount
Pullout: Best Party Ever
Posted inNews
Warning: Money Pits
Here are a few easy-to-spot items which could mean your potential “dream house” is a probable “money pit”: € The smell of cat pee. That smell does not leave with its owner. € Weird round glass thingies in the circuit breaker. These fuses are older than the Kennewick Man. It means you’ll probably need to […]
Posted inMovies & TV
The Least Likely Melodrama
Aaron Beam is So in Love with Todd Haynes
Far From Heaven Dir. Todd Haynes Opens Fri Nov 15 Various Theatersa Portland director Todd Haynes’ new film, Far From Heaven, tackles issues of race, sexuality, and gender utilizing the form of the 1950s melodrama, a la Douglas Sirk. Film critics, from the most mainstream to the most pretentious, are raving about it, and there’s […]
Posted inNews
Support Your Troops
Parties are Patriotic
Our short reign as kings of the world is nearing its end. Just like all empires of the past who have squashed the banana of power in their iron-gloved fists, the hands of our government will soon be gummy with the remains of their ersatz conquests. For handling this situation, a couple of options present […]
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THE AARON PLAN
I’m Fat, and That’s That—Or is it?
It’s hot. It’s damn hot. It’s hotter than a half-fucked fox in a forest fire, and I’m way too fat for it. You see, for the last couple years, my combination of diet and “exercise” has lead to a combination of my waist and inflated fat cells. And if you’ve ever seen fat cells on […]
Posted inGeneral
UN-OPPRESSED, WELL DRESSED, GOOD LOOKING, STRAIGHT, WHITE MALE
Pullout: The Oppression Issue
