General Nov 10, 2011 at 4:00 am

Why Some Twentysomethings Are Redefining the Family and Nixing the Kids

Comments

1
Is this a love song to Damosa?
2
"...I like to have sex. My biological human urge is to have sex, the baby is a byproduct of that." WRONG. Biologically, sex is to make babies. The urge and the liking is a byproduct of THAT. Duh!
3
*yawn* COOL IDEA TO NOT HAVE A BABY!
4
I got my tubal ligation 15 years ago when I was 22. I was on the Oregon Health Plan at the time and needed a referral from my general practitioner to get the procedure done. My GP was at first dismissive, then evasive, and then he out right lied and told me it was not longer covered by the plan. When I called the OHP hotline a helpful operator confirmed it was covered and, when I told her about my my GP's attitude, she briskly asked, 'Would you like to hold on the line while I call him and tell him so?,' I got my referral within the hour and my tubes tied a couple months later. Thanks, Oregon Health Plan!
5

Before i finish reading this wonderful article, i just had to emphasize this one statement:


"I'm happy with the idea of a life that doesn't involve me ever having children."


What a wonderful, smart, bold, and conscientiously unselfish position to take. My hat's off to her! I can only imagine the hatefulness this poor woman puts up with from pious, holier-than-thou breeders who take demented pride in ruining OUR planet and inflicting misery upon everyone else.

Ok, i will finish the article now.
6
"...I like to have sex. My biological human urge is to have sex, the baby is a byproduct of that." WRONG. Biologically, sex is to make babies. The urge and the liking is a byproduct of THAT. Duh!


You're absolutely WRONG. The residual desire for children (for some humans) is indeed a by-product of wanting sex. But i'm guessing you're one of those "pro-life" christians b/c only THEY would take a position such as yours.
7
It may be fun to be childless when you are young. But most older people with no children are lonely and full of regrets. It's a tradeoff.
8
Where's you data fo that Haku because I work with the elderly and I know tons of old people with children that are lonely and full of regrets.
9
@ Haku

Pretty much everyone is lonely and full of regrets when they get old. Hell, some of us are only in our 30's and already feel that way.

Erm, by "some of us", I mean other people. You know, ones that aren't me?

Really.

>.>
10
Excellent article, Sarah. It's wonderful to have stories like this in the media. I do think this is one of those delicate subjects. I've always been the weird one in my group of friends and family, the one who didn't want to have kids or even get married. The marriage thing stays the same and I don't think it'll change with me, but I know for a fact that I wouldn't take the decision of not ever having children right now, because I like having the option of my life changing 100% in the future if I wanted to. I do believe, however, that there is a need to end discrimination over nontraditional families. It's always a pitiable reaction when you tell someone that you don't want kids.

Great insights, anyway.

Eva
11
Haku has NO data to back that up, he's/she's just making up shit out of thin air. Fact is, people in general tend to be more lonely and regretful as they get older. Whether or not someone breeds has zero bearing on this.



And THIS statement right here sums it up quite well:

"My DNA isn't so important that I need to replicate myself. It would just be selfish," says Bunting. "I don't care how many cloth diapers you use or how many Priuses you buy, having a kid is still a huge, huge carbon footprint."
12
i wish the world government would drop a chemical from the stratosphere that would sterilize a generation of the population. this would ease so much strife and pollution. eventually we could get back to makin' bacon but why not take a break for awhile?

13
I got a tubal ligation at 21, in the Deep South,way back in 1981. I just kept harping on the family history of insanity till they folded.
14
Excellent article! Thank you for providing a human, rational face to the childless debate. I have two kids and can't imagine life any different, but that's why it's important to be exposed to differing ideas right?

I only have one question for this article. If the people who are going in for sterilization decide later on they do in fact want children, would adoption not be an option? (hell option is in the damn word :) But then I must focus that question inward. And by doing that i don't have a good answer.
15
I think Haku is right about perhaps regretting the choice to not have kids later.
I mean, I've seen it. And I try to be a good son to my own mom who is getting old now - visits, phone-calls, etc. I would assume those that asked for 'proof' of this are trying to be nice to your aging parents as well. There is your proof.
Of course, there are no promises, right? Maybe yer kids will hate you.
But as my wife and I made the choice not to have kids, my own personal fear is that she will outlive me by a long shot, and without kids nor immediate family here, who will look after her when I have gone? As I have seen her and her mother look after her grandmother?
I don't know that I can even agree on this polution or over-population argument either.
I think having kids after the horrors of WW2 must have been a scarier place to bring kids into the world from.
The world still has problems, but just maybe this is about the best circumstances possible to bring a kid into the world.

16
Thank you for this article! As a 35 year old woman, I made the choice not to have kids and have always gotten a surprised reaction from people when I share that with them. "But you would be such great parents?!" is a typical reaction. Children are fun and we enjoy having outings with our nieces and friend's children (which also gives parents a well diserved break).

It is not about being "holier than thou" to have kids or not; it is about respecting people's choices either way. I choose to not have children and devote my time to my career, my other family, my self and my community. It is just a shame that this is not embraced the same way having a child is.

And I while I have had brief fleeting moments of regret from time to time, I quickly forget that when I see all the other wonderful things in my life. And with 7 billion people on the planet it is doubtful that any of us will die alone.
17
Thank you Sara Mirk for a much needed article on excessive breeding.
At age 19, I tried to get a "Tubal," and was told to wait until I was older. "What if I fell in LOVE with someone and wanted to have HIS baby." Ugh.
Now, at 51 years old, sterilized at 25 years, I am happy, childless, debt-free, and in a loving relationship. It takes courage to step outside biology and society.
I have supported two other women in their quests to self-opt-sterilize, and they also are successful today; happy and child-free. Just say no to breeding, the planet supports you!
18
Well, many of you smart people need to take a look at the first five minutes of Idiocracy.

The hispanics and muslims will be putting out a ton of kids, and in two or three generations we'll see a radical change in society.

Already taking place in Italy and France.
19
@ overpopulated? Didn't you mean to post this on Oregonlive? That is some nasty ass shit coming out of your asshole (mouth).
20
Having children is not an acceptable retirement/long-term health plan. Nor is such "planning" an acceptable reason to have them.

Someone chooses not to have 'em, what's your beef with that? How does it affect you, except maybe by creating more room on an overcrowded, polluted Earth for YOUR children?
21
"Well, many of you smart people need to take a look at the first five minutes of Idiocracy.

The Hispanics and Muslims will be putting out a ton of kids, and in two or three generations we'll see a radical change in society.

Already taking place in Italy and France.




And just how do you equate those first five minutes in Idiocracy with a [supposed] population increase of Latinos and Muslims? And curious as to why you would choose to focus on these two specific groups. Racist xenophobe, much?

Are you REALLY all that concerned with what happens in Italy or France?
22
It's clear that some people, gen X or Y or whatever-afters, feel like they're "put down" for not wanting children.

But the reality is that US population growth is slowing. And maybe it's because I didn't grow up in a small town or 50 years ago (I'm 35)-- but having kids was never an expected or normal thing. People I know generally think of it as a serious, life-changing decision fraught with responsibility, and focus on someone other than yourself. At the same time, having a lot of kids (>2 or 3) was considered distinctly weird among my friends.

I think we all want quality (well-supported+fed+educated, diverse, conscious/informed) over quantity (>replacement value) reproduction and child-rearing.

It's 2011, you're educated, in the US. There are vast options for birth control readily available for you, including highly effective and (gasp) reversible ones. This reality makes the tone of persecution embodied in the article and by some commentedrs seem pretty out-of-touch, in the big picture.
23
I was firmly in the no-way-am-I-ever-having-kids camp ... and then I had one. And it has been the best turn my life has ever taken.

Of course, I fully respect anyone's decision to not have kids. But, I won't lie: as a parent and erstwhile babyphobe, I can't help but wonder if people realize how much fun they're missing.

24
Uhh hey DamosA; just because the basic fact that sex is technically originally for procreation and we enjoy it because of that, doesn't make it a crazy christian or otherwise endorsement of baby-poppin'. It's perfectly preferable in my book to circumnavigate pregnancy for as long as you can, forever if possible. There are lots of kids who need more care already in existence. I'm down with that. Chill.
25
I find this story informative, but a bit ironic -- if anything, I've found Oregonians to be particularly hostile to anyone with more than two or three kids. And they're not afraid to tell you to your face. So while I support everyone's right to have or not have children, please spare me the pity party this article seems to invite us to throw for the childless. You have plenty of company in Oregon. Also, the whole overpopulation argument is shallow unless coupled with an argument re: consumption. One Westerner consumes between 100 to 200 times the amount of resources most people in the world consume. If a childless person really wants to help the planet, they'll stop driving, stop eating meat and stop using fossil based energy. Which would require real sacrifice, and not the kind you can sum up on a bumper sticker on your SUV as you drive off to your latest nature hike.
26
Oh c'mon, having kids is selfish? What kind of a moron thinks that? Ever sat up all night with a coughing kid? Taught them how to read? Changed a diaper? Or comforted them when your partner or spouse got ill for weeks and couldn't attend to their needs, all the while you're maintaining a job, as well? It's fine to snip your zip or tie your tubes, but don't feed me that bullshit that it's a selfless act! Nobody who has not had a kid can even begin to understand what it's like to be a parent, to be both morally and responsible for years on end for another human being (or more!) Look, you don't want a kid because you don't want the responsibility. That's fine -- there's probably too many folks who had kids who ditched them, so I accept that. But to claim you're choosing sterility for anyone but yourself is just a load of pretentious shit, and one of the reasons why childless people always come off as such idiotic self absorbed whine-asses to people who do have kids. If you adopt a kid after choosing to have none of your own, then you are spared this tirade and you really are a blessing to the rest of us. Otherwise, shut the fuck up and go get me some damn formula!
27
"Of course, I fully respect anyone's decision to not have kids. But, I won't lie: as a parent and erstwhile babyphobe, I can't help but wonder if people realize how much fun they're missing."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Well that's certainly YOUR opinion, though many child-less folks would dispute that. Many, in fact, would argue that YOU don't know how much fun YOU'RE missing by being tethered to a kid and having been stuck with the whole "family" thing 'n all.


"Oh c'mon, having kids is selfish? What kind of a moron thinks that? Ever sat up all night with a coughing kid? Taught them how to read? Changed a diaper? Or comforted them when your partner or spouse got ill for weeks and couldn't attend to their needs, all the while you're maintaining a job, as well? It's fine to snip your zip or tie your tubes, but don't feed me that bullshit that it's a selfless act! Nobody who has not had a kid can even begin to understand what it's like to be a parent, to be both morally and responsible for years on end for another human being (or more!) Look, you don't want a kid because you don't want the responsibility. That's fine -- there's probably too many folks who had kids who ditched them, so I accept that. But to claim you're choosing sterility for anyone but yourself is just a load of pretentious shit, and one of the reasons why childless people always come off as such idiotic self absorbed whine-asses to people who do have kids. If you adopt a kid after choosing to have none of your own, then you are spared this tirade and you really are a blessing to the rest of us. Otherwise, shut the fuck up and go get me some damn formula! "

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This rambling diatribe right here well sums up exactly the sort of holier-than-thou bigoted shitty attitude that people get once they become parents; they all of a sudden think they know it all and that they're better than everyone else. Here's a news flash: breeding/replicating is neither heroic nor miraculous. Big deal, you've demonstrated that you're capable of doing something EVERY other living organism on Earth can do. And you deserve special treatment WHY, exactly?

If you people love children soo much, why not ADOPT the ones that are ALREADY HERE?! What's that? You don't wanna adopt; you want your OWN baby?

I challenge anyone to explain to me how THAT is not selfish.
29
You know Jake, despite a parent's BEST efforts, some kids will inevitably grow up to be serial killers, gang bangers, dictators, and bank CEO's. Perhaps Adolth Hitler's parents would've done well to have practiced birth control and just stuck to German shepherds while building upon their own educations. Have you not taken that into consideration?
30
If I decide I want kids, I'll have them. If I decide I don't, I won't. It doesn't matter to me what anyone else thinks or feels: it's a personal choice. Until we elect a dictator that restricts my personal liberties or we have a national eugenics program, no one elses opinion (save that of my partner and other interested parties) matters.
31
DamosA: "This rambling diatribe right here well sums up exactly the sort of holier-than-thou bigoted shitty attitude that people get once they become parents; they all of a sudden think they know it all and that they're better than everyone else."

Really? I'm a parent and I don't have that "holier-than-thou bigoted shitty attitude." Neither do most of the other parents I know. On top of that, most of the childless people I know are fine with the fact that some people have kids, some don't, and it's okay either way. We each have our own experiences and there's value in each of them. Stop generalizing.
32
To anyone reading this that doesn't think child free people (especially young ones) don't experience what is best described as harassment needs to come to the South. I recently moved back to Alabama after 6 years in Portland in order to start nursing school. My fiancΓ© and I constantly get shit from family, coworkers and strangers alike for choosing not to procreate. As far as I can tell, unless you live in a fairly liberal city, the rest of our country has the same attitude. I'm 28 and keep being told that in 2 years my biological alarm clock will go off and I'll succumb to "baby fever". Good thing the old man will have his tubes snipped by then otherwise I might find myself unable to fight those urges!
33
DamosA, do the world a favor an never procreate. In fact, if you think the world is way too over-populated, I for one would like to see you lead by example and go jump off a bridge.
34
"I'm a parent and I don't have that "holier-than-thou bigoted shitty attitude." Neither do most of the other parents I know."



Oh well, HIP HIP HOORAY FOR YOOOUUU! I suppose you think that you're better than everyone else on Earth, huh?




35
no, I don't.
36
My husband and I decided we didn't want to have kids.Β We've been together 10 years and I think when we turned 40 we FINALLY convinced people that we were serious.

What pisses me off though is that people (including people we're related to!) often say things like, "well if you had family blah blah blah... " or "for people with families this is blah blah blah..." I DO have a family. Not having children does not make my home less of a family, nor does it make any of my other relationships less of a family.
37
Walpurgis - you say you write from the angle of living in the South, and that people should come there - presumably to experience it, and gain insight. And that "As far as I can tell, unless you live in a fairly liberal city, the rest of our country has the same attitude."

This is inherently contradictory. And-- no thank you (on the "you should come here" part).

To each their own, but AGAIN- the tone of persecution in the article and by some commenters is silly. If the subjects are complaining about lacking health insurance (including contraceptive coverage), I understand. But you don't deserve a merit badge for getting a vasectomy.
38
Spoolo, i grew up in the dirty, filthy, rotten South. So i can totally back up Walpurgis's words. Yeah, folks tend to be all big on the whole "traditional family" thing down there. Good, strong christian families.

So it's no wonder why the largest divorce rates, domestic violence, and child abuse tend to be in Southern states. Many of you have only grown up here in OR, or CA, or otherwise might never have been to the South. I GREW UP there, so every awful thing you hear is TRUE!

And noone deserves a merit badge for getting a vasectomy. But at the same time, noone should receive a $1000+ tax incentive bonus from the govt. simply for having kids.
39
I'm 50. I have no kids, and I never wanted any. I honestly don't enjoy being around children. My partner and I are very happy together and my life is complete. So could people with children stop telling me that I'll never know real love? Because it is obnoxious. Go, enjoy your munchkins! But if they're kicking the back of my seat on a long plane flight, I'm going to ask you make them stop. Yes, so. much. fun.
40
I think this is the best article I've ever read in the Mercury. And "I don't eat food to take a shit." is the best quote, ever.
41
>
Well biologically, reproducing is the most selfish thing you can do. A lot of less educated people tend not to get this but bear with me and read this slowly: HAVING KIDS EQUALS REPLICATING YOURSELF. Are you getting it now?
42
"Oh c'mon, having kids is selfish? What kind of a moron thinks that?"
Well biologically, reproducing is the most selfish thing you can do. A lot of less educated people tend not to get this but bear with me and read this slowly: HAVING KIDS EQUALS REPLICATING YOURSELF. Are you getting it now?
43
I ran into the same issues while trying to get my tubes tied. After many failed attempts, I FINALLY got it done this year and I've never been happier! The tone many doctors gave me was a shaming one, as if I possibly couldn't go through life without having a brat. Guess what? I cannot wait to tell the next person I date "we can't have kids"! I'm living my life for ME.
44
Dumb christian doctors - they should lose their fucking license for that! Any GP who would give women a hard time or lay some fucked up guilt-trip on them for wanting to get their tubes tied - they're almost as rotten as christian pharmacists who refuse to do their damned job and dispense birth control.
45
What are people's problem? This article is clearly just to show people who don't want children's point of view. The problem with society today is that to many people have there head up their asse's and want to push their views on others. If you don't like something someone's doing then keep it to yourself. Our founding fathers fought for our freedom so we should be able to use it how ever we want.People need to accept people more. I want kids but its stupid that people who don't have to fight to be able to not have them.
46
Well i wouldn't put too much stock in our so-called "founding fathers".
47
This article is retarded. My husband walked into a urologists clinic in Hillsboro and scheduled a vascetomy within a week. He was 20 years old at the time. That was 6 years ago. We paid, cash out of pocket, with no problems at all. No big fuss, no evaluations, no big deal.
48
@Anon -- actually, you're not replicating yourself, you're creating a new person out of two other DNA blueprints. And any parent will tell you you may THINK your child is a replicate (which, quite frankly, is a point only a recently graduated college student would make, not anybody who's actually had a kid), but you quickly find out they're not, if you mean an extension of your own ego image. That's precisely why parenting, when done correctly, is unselfish -- you may climb in the sack to "selfishly" get it on, and even have a kid for "selfish" reasons but you pretty much forget all that when you're sitting in your kid's classroom talking to their teacher about their grades, etc. that's why shitty parents become so shitty -- they realize all of sudden it's not about them, it's about the kid, and they have to curb their drinking, their fucking, their smoking, etc., so the kid thrives. Crappy parents then ditch this responsibility while good ones don't. I agree some people shouldn't have kids, but if you think being a parent is a "selfish" decision you kind of have no clue what it actually entails.
49
Sorry to inject some facts here, where it appears profane language is the currency... But:

http://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RB9126/index1.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/29/magazine/29Birth-t.html?pagewanted=all

As to why I'd look at Europe, well, they're where we come from. Italians used to be renowned for the number of kids.

As to why I focus on hispanics & muslims, they are the demographic groups that are producing the children. Are you people drinking water with too much lead?

50
adoption..
51
I don't think having kids is necessarily selfish but I don't think it's selfless either. People who have kids have them b/c they WANT them. Sure they take care of them when they're sick, spend countless hours helping them learn and grow as people(hopefully) spend heaps of money on them but that's what you're supposed to do! Why should I applaud someone who takes responsibility for something they chose to do?? I applaud people who truly try to make the world a better place, like doctors who perform services free to the poor or lawyers who defend death row inmates for little to no pay. or anyone who volunteers their time to a worthy cause(as I myself do) but having children doesn't make you instantly selfless or a better person. and deciding to not have kids doesn't make you selfish.
52
"This article is retarded. My husband walked into a urologists clinic in Hillsboro and scheduled a vascetomy within a week. He was 20 years old at the time. That was 6 years ago. We paid, cash out of pocket, with no problems at all. No big fuss, no evaluations, no big deal."



So what makes you think this article is "retarded" just b/c your husband had an easy time setting up an appointment? You think it's that easy for everyone? YOU'RE retarded!
53
"People who have kids have them b/c they WANT them."

Most people have kids because they accidentally get pregnant, then spend years trying to convince themselves that having a child is really what they wanted all along.
54
You're totally right. The awkward truth is, MOST of us quite literally fuck-ups from the moment we were conceived. From that very moment on, we and our parents spend a lifetime trying to justify our own existence.
55
Good article, but you neglected to mention a significant part of the decision/debate... adoption! i get "we have enough humans, thanks" but how about "we have way too many humans that need parents and families." Just wish that was mentioned in here somewhere.
56
Sterilization does not equate to childlessness.

I'm sure it's for lack of space and wanting to stay on track that the article focuses on sterilization without mentioning adoption, but I agree with some previous sentiment that adoption is a very viable option for most. 7 Billion people doesn't mean there are 7 Billion good homes- there are plenty of newborns every day who will grow up homeless if not for adults who can adopt.

I had a vasectomy at the age of 24. I like kids, but I've always believe that rather than bring one into this world I'd rather give one in a good home. I fully intend to make good on that when I feel mature and stable enough- rather than coming upon it by accident by slipping one past the goalie when my partner and I aren't ready.

Also a little disappointed this article didn't mention reversals and the success/failure rate of having a vasectomy reversed.
57
all y'all realize that at some point a man and woman had sex and conceived you, right? and if it was 1973 or beyond that this woman decided to give birth to you, and then she or some other person(s) made sure that no illness killed you and that you had enough food and sunlight to grow into adulthood.
breed, don't breed. choose sterilization, choose condoms, use NFP or pull-and-pray. why get all hot-headed about adults making adult decisions?
58
"why get all hot-headed about adults making adult decisions?"


You should ask Right-to-Life, the catholic church, the Family Research Council, the Republitard party, and the rest of these christians that. THEY'RE the ones who're always up every body's ass.
59
Posted on facebook. Essential reading!

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/i-real…
60
What bothers me is being labeled a "breeeeder" by someone using a condescending tone. I respect that people choose to have no children. I choose to have no more than 2 myself. The most "condescension" I've seen shown to the purposefully childless is someone unwittingly asking an engaged woman if she plans to have kids. Once the question-asker was out of the room my friend started to fly off the handle ranting about breeders. I understand it's frustrating to plan a surgical procedure and not find a doctor who will help. I understand also that the statistics support encouraging the person to think over their choice before committing, because a lot of people change their minds..

Anyway, my point is so many of you are flaming over minor amounts of human curiosity being directed at you. It's not like any of you are likely to even be spit on by so-called breeders. Face it, if you're different, people will ask questions.

By the way, I too am concerned about over-population and pollution. I even sympathize with China's 1 child law. As far as I know, that country is the only one that's done anything about it.
61
I have no sympathy for China's one-child law. First under the Kuomintang, then under Mao, China chose to squelch the economic freedom of its people, and then had a "population" problem directly related to its desire to restrict the exchange of goods and services between its citizens. Its one-child law really means "we want boys, not girls" and it always amazes me how people, including so-called progressives, can support a law that led to the targeting of females for abortion and infanticide. But getting people who favor government sponsored population control to acknowledge that means you're going to have to kill girls to do so is almost impossible. Gosh, they might have to rethink their assumptions that they are humane and liberal! I have no problem with voluntary reproductive control, but no one has a right in any way shape or form to tell you how many children you should have, and if they do, tell them to go jerk off, which is what they're probably doing anyway since they don't want those awful little rugrats around, especially those girls with their inherent reproductive capacity that is so problematic for a society based on consumerism and not citizenship.
62
Cindy, maybe your friend "flew off the handle" b/c she had finally gotten fed up with being repeatedly ostricsied by oppressive breeders due to her personal choice to not self-replicate. Have you not considered that?
63
As a firm believer in Darwinism - I support your 'forward thinking' of being fixed. You'll remove your genes from the pool and I'll continue to have kids. Guess you're a genetic dead end; which is good. Because I personally believe the world will be a much better place if half the jobless wonders and hipsters of Portland never reproduce.
Happy extinction!
64
Don't fall for this males!

Guess who always gets asked to be 'fixed' in a relationship - the guys. "It's easier for you" etc. Sure, that's medically true - but make it an all or nothing. Demand she do it too. I've had two friends now who've had girls run off afterwards (divorce) and then start breading when they changed their minds during their 30's when the breading gene kicked in. They're left sterile.
65
Wow. I'd like to think that this article brought out the crazies but I also have to acknowledge that there are just a lot of people who can't fucking think.

1. Anyone who claims that they are not "holier than thou" because they have a biological child and then follows that statement with some assertion that no one who is childless can possibly understand, or that thank god all of these selfish people don't want to breed or claim that having a child is a truly selfless act has, in fact, acted holier than thou and should stop patting themselves on the back for raising their kid instead of leaving it in a dumpster.

2. Anyone who says that women who don't want children don't suffer any prejudice are either male or willfully ignorant. I don't want children and never have. The insinuation or flat out statement that this makes me "unnatural" or somehow unfeminine is often tossed my way often - even by friends - and it sucks. Not to mention the paternal (or maternal) assertion that, no doubt, I will change my mind. I've been saying I don't want children since I was 15. I'm 31 now and I'm still hearing this. Just when exactly am I going to change my mind?

3. Lastly, don't try to extrapolate from your own narrow experience. Just because no one has hassled you about breeding doesn't mean no one is ever hassled. Just because your partner was able to get a vasectomy at 21 doesn't mean everyone can. And just because you have kids, that doesn't make you a good person.

Go to any NPR.com or Yahoo.com segment on parenting and read the comments. Take a look at the self-righteous assholes who have nothing but contempt for people who don't have children. Parents, stop yourselves next time you start to explain to an intelligent adult that they cannot conceivably understand something bc they don't have kids. And for fuck's sake - unless you know someone really well - don't ask them when they're going to fill up their house/car/life with children. You don't know *what* their situation is (for all you know, they *can't* have children) and it's none of your fucking business.
66
What did we learn here today? That sticking your nose in anyone's business tends to piss them off? That people should feel free to make their own choices without being called "barren" or "breeder," "unnatural" or "natural"? No, what we learned is that when push comes to love, and the rubber stops the load, DamosA will always find some way to make it about how he wishes everyone would just agree life is miserable, especially for him, and how he really, really needs to go bowling or to a seedy nightclub where he can finally have some fun in his life!
67
"What did we learn here today? That sticking your nose in anyone's business tends to piss them off? That people should feel free to make their own choices without being called "barren" or "breeder," "unnatural" or "natural"? No, what we learned is that when push comes to love, and the rubber stops the load, DamosA will always find some way to make it about how he wishes everyone would just agree life is miserable, especially for him, and how he really, really needs to go bowling or to a seedy nightclub where he can finally have some fun in his life!"


So basically, you just want to make this all about me, right?
68
I love how parents use the term "childLESS" to describe those of us who are clearly "childFREE".
69
I know. More breeder bigotry.
70
I love the idea that "one generation should be totally sterilized...then population would be okay!" Well, one generation (50 year population) not producing any children means....tada! no more humans. Of course, that will never happen, but it is a rather silly desire.

There are families with children that consume less than families with 0 children. It depends on how people live their lives. Simply not having kids does not magically make a person better, or consume less.

What it really comes down to is people accepting each others differing desires. You don't want babies? Okay, cool. Better not to have children if you don't want them than have kids you hate because you didn't want them but had them anyway. I'm helping raise my mentally ill sisters kids. Children have so much potential in them. She's crazy and put them down and convinced the boy he was pure evil. Guess what? he struggles deeply with himself and is still has a voice in his head that says, "you are evil. you are worthless. you can't change." Luckily, she abandoned the girl before she rotted her mind, too. Both these kids have changed so much living in an environment that gives them love, structure, stability and expectations.

The moral: kids will respond to their environment. If you gonna hate your kids, please don't have them! Folks, lets be okay with their choice! But, if someone decides to raise kids with love, don't shit on their choice to try and add good people to the world.
71
" Only 25 percent of Portland homes include kids, and that number is declining. "

That is kinda good news . Tho , we should keep encouraging abortions and pushing families with kids under 12 to the suburbs .
72
@jake and willy be free....pretty much. If they chose not to have kids, I'm fine with it. Now you may want to talk to China and India...you know, one QUARTER of the worlds population and growing at a huge rate in the third world. I don't think some hipsters and self absorbed wankers are the problem
73
DamosA seems a bit uptight!! I know how he feels though. I once was a pompous ass myself. I thought I knew more about the way things worked, how the odds were stacked,how humans were fucked up in sooo many ways, that it was such an obvious fact that procreation was the most idiotic and heinous act an intelligent human could do. It's true!! It was with those thoughts that I plowed my way through every lover I could for decade!!! Girls, boys, gay, straight, bi, lonely lesbians, truck stop homos, closeted boy scouts, friends, enemy's relatives, adopted relatives, drunks at closing time, couples ,orgy's , young ,old, virgins, sluts, wholesome, banal, murderous, pure,diseased, OH how the magnitude of it all became so stupefying and rewarding!!!!!! My ego was fed, and I felt so content ! It was awesome being a sanctimonious ass filled with contempt for others. It was hard to let all that go , really hard. You could say I am still working on it. It is really hard to claw your way back a bit from a life of nihilistic misanthropy, let me tell you brother!! I wont say "I found the Lord" no, have not gone that far, but I will say that helping my awesome mistake of a bastard find his way through the world is way cooler than I thought, and I am sure it is better than being your Dad, DamosA!! Go fuck yourself, seems no one else wants to. P.S....BTW, wrap that sucker, if you happen to be as lucky as me, becauseyou know, there were not as many icky things to deal with in my day if you know what I mean,young man!
74
Yeah, I had my first kid right after turning 19 and I only ever wanted one biological child so I wanted to get fixed. Even though I was a singe mother on welfare they refused to do it until I was 27 (or they add your age plus kids). I was married with one more kid and was lucky my husband was 2 years older than me. We went in to get him fixed and did not tell the "good doc that my first kid was not my husband's or it would not have counted towards his age and my husband was just turning 24 so we spent 2 hours in front of a male doctor who kept asking why I couldn't just take this or that birth control. I brought up the failure rates and how neither of us ever want another bio child and that adoption is always an option. I told him I am against any birth control that isn't permanent. I'd rather not die from a stroke or even risk it when I could just be fixed. (there are a LOT of strokes in my family). I also brought up the fact that if I had another child, my marriage would fail (it barely survived kid #2!), all of my kids would suffer because he forced me to have another child by not just fixing my husband. He tried to bring up how he's a good christian and how he's talked with god about how he feels about birth control (abortion was in the mix somewhere). In the end I asked him how god would feel about him tearing up a family and told him my husband would not be getting any sex until he was clipped and my husband agreed. My husband was fixed. I have a friend who is one year older than me and has at least 7 kids! She wanted to be fixed about 4 kids ago and she is stuck with a guy who doesn't love her and sub par living conditions because she can't care for them all on her own.
75
YES there are too many children in the world! and the whole attitude that you get married, and procreate is ancient, coming from the times when people lived on farms or nature, and needed the extra hands to ensure survival. It comes from the times when governments needed extra citizens to go and fight for them. Nowadays, there is not enough food in the world for everyone (although in the US we live in the land of plenty, and forget that the rest of the world is not so fortunate) There are everyday fewer jobs, and more young folks entering the job market. Not that I don't like children, but I feel sorry for today's children, feel sorry for when they reach middle age, not only our resources are dwindling, but today they are growing with such a sense of "entitlement" that is shameful.

As for people who say, "what about your old age, who will look after you?" ha! what a load of crap- just look around at all the elderly who are abandoned by their children, who are dismissed as "incapable, useless" etc, and neglected. I know my own dear, elderly parents are becoming a burden at this, their last stage in life. And now with the ever growing longevity, people are living to a very old age. If you look at the animals in nature, the babies stay in their nests for a certain time, then they fly- and don't really hang around to take care of their old parents!

People have kids for totally selfish reasons, which they are very reluctant to admit.

I am approaching 50 and happily married without kids! I would not consider fertility treatments. Would like to know the statistics of those treatments correlating with women's cancer of reproductive organs- there seems to be a high correlation.

Thank you for this article, and please keep writing! there needs to be more acceptance of childless families, as per choice. Stop feeling sorry for people who don't have kids- maybe they DON'T WANT them!
76
The only parents who are selfless are the ones who adopt. When you add more people to a crowded world with dwindling natural resources, it's selfish, plain and simple. When you want to parent and realize this and acknowledge your DNA isn't special and doesn't need to be injected into the population and you adopt you are a hero. Reproducing=selfish parenting=/=selfish
77
All of my friends and family know I don't want kids (I'm 29) and I've never caught crap for it. Maybe I have really cool forward thinking people around me, or maybe I just say "I don't want kids" like it's not some kind of self-rightous thing. Also, having kids isn't as bad for the environment as letting all the stupid people have kids. Just sayin'.
78
Not having children has worked out well for me and my wife of 28 years. Both of us were elementary school teachers and I think we were more effective since we did not have our own children.

Our quality of life is excellent since we have financial security and a great deal of freedom in our personal lives.

Andrew

Bayville, NY
79
Wow!! wonderful article love it! Keep it Up! Great effort!! Thanks for sharing!!1

BMW Auto Glass

Please wait...

Comments are closed.

Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.


Add a comment
Preview

By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.