To Whomever Lost a Ripe Honeydew Melon on MacAdam Ave Across from Zupans-
I was riding my bike to work Tuesday morning, thinking about how I’d forgotten to bring my lunch, when out of the corner of my eye I glimpsed a pale orb laying in the street.
I had a hunch it was something special- and what a special thing it was. A melon! A whole ripe, honeydew melon, virtually unscathed by being dropped out of someone’s shopping bag.
I just want whoever lost their melon to know that it found a good home- in my stomach. Finding that gutter melon delighted me far more than anything else in recent memory, so thank you, melon-loser. You made my week.
Someone else, though, after fruitlessly arriving at home, became meloncholic.
Gross. Melon is gross. No, I don’t care about the gutter, just the melon.
^ Watermelon is ok, but the rest can eat my ass!!!!!
This is the least I’ve cared about losing a melon since Shannon Hoon.
7
prosciutto and melon is a tasty combo.
are. fuck!
Way to hunt and gather in the urban environs!
Guerilla harvesting. Totally anarchist melon.
Has anyone seen my elephantitis testicle. Swear I dropped it around here somewhere.
Just fyi, you’re bragging on the internet about eating trash.
Good for you, that was nice to thank the loser. Call it manta
melon from heaven.
Maybe tomorrow you can find a ham or turkey. You never know, luck is one your side.
Sam’s also serves a delightful guttermelon, FYI. And for around $10.
Ermahgahd, nobody liked my “Portland cyclist eats street garbage” comment!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?
I just realized that I responded to a “Portland cyclist eats street garbage” post. I think it might be time to retire from this blog.
I now know that I need to hand every person I ever encounter in PDX 20% of the cash in my pocket and that cyclists hate drivers and vice versa.
This blog has officially exhausted its educational potential. Goodbye cruel world. Hello real world.
Peace out y’all!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don’t worry guys, RickStevens isn’t really leaving, he’s just drunk and woozy from all the heat. He’ll be back tomorrow. I’d bet a melon on it.
Good thing melons don’t grow on trees, like mangos in the suburbs of Honolulu.
You rotten Melon Baller!