HEY READERS! We're devoting our entire letters section this week to Mercury Reader's Valentines--so if you want to call us "miserable cunts" you're going to have to wait until next week. But before we get to your lovey-dovey notes of amour, check out this week's...

WEIGHTY TOPICS OF OUR TIMES

IF YOU MISSED last Friday's hee-larious presentation of Fast Times at Ridgemont High at the Mercury/Clinton Street Winter Prozac Film Fest, you'll kick yourself if you pass up this week's movie, Caddyshack! Beer will be served, heckling will be administered, and the Famous Mysterious Actor Players will perform a skit. That's the Prozac Film Fest at the Clinton Street Theater, Friday the 13th at 10 pm! See you there!

AND CONGRATULATIONS to Mercury employees "Sweet" Pete Cornell and Marjorie Skinner for sweeping Salvador Molly's Great Balls of Fire and Ice Benefit. Pete won the Great Ball of Fire Fritter competition by polishing off 17 habanera pepper treats, while Marjorie sat on a block of ice for an hour and a half and got a very cold cootie. Fortunately, it's all for charity and nobody died. Congrats, Pete and Marjorie!

AND NOW ON TO THE

VALENTINES!