WE'RE NOT ALL DOG KILLERS!

TO THE AUTHOR OF "DOGTOWN" [I, Anonymous, Dec 29, in which an American visits Vietnam and sees people cooking dogs]: You are a sick bastard and a shitty writer. You involved all of Portland in a round of "he said/she said" drama with a Vietnamese street vendor. Why do you travel so far and, to at least this one person, representing all of Portland, choose to use the dog killer as the example to represent us all? One motherfucker tries to kill off a whole bunch of dogs for who knows what reason, and yet you tell this person who will probably never come to Portland that we poison our dogs. Thanks a ton, assface.

Anonymous

GOD IS ANGRY... AGAIN

DEAR MR. HUMPHREY AND COMPANY: Are you sickos enjoying yourselves? Are you making change in the world? No, you are not, and God is very angry with the lot of you drink-addled circle-jerking perverts, polygamists, pedophiles, and pederasts. Your allowed wrongdoings have inspired me to embark upon my own pilgrimage: (1) I'm going to clog your mailboxes with heap-loads of acerbating invective, (2) I'm going to install complimentary fish-gut air fresheners into your staff's air conditioning units, (3) I'm going to plunge your advertisers into financial flaccidity, and then (4) I'm going to peregrinate up to Seattle and destroy The Stranger in a similar manner. God have mercy on you parsimonious poodle fuckers.

Noah Adams

CLIK-CLUK... CLOOK?

DEAR PORTLAND MERCURY: Regarding the free Swahili lessons entry in the "My, What A Busy Week!" section of your periodical this week [Jan 5], you incorrectly made reference to Swahili (or Kiswahili) as one of the Khoisan languages ("click" languages) when, in fact, it is actually a Bantu language derivative. Swahili is mainly spoken in Tanzania and Kenya, whereas many of the "click" languages like Xhosa, Bushman, and Hottentot are spoken in areas further south in Africa, such as South Africa, Namibia, and Botswana.

Jesse Comer, Berlitz Language Center

THEATER: BETTER THAN MOVIES?

TO ALISON HALLETT AND THE EDITOR: I'm a local actor, and one of the main reasons I read the Mercury each week is for Alison Hallett's candid, often harsh, but also insightful theater reviews. I dig Alison's work but I'm a bit mystified as to why the Mercury's coverage of and enthusiasm for live theater is regularly dwarfed by its attention to film.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a cinema-holic... I adore movies. But I remain convinced that the shittiest night of local theatrics contains 10 times more magic than the grandest night at the cinema. Why? Because Portland theater is live locals proposing to entertain other live locals. That's a proposal with serious guts, extreme faith in community, and demands priority when one's considering how to best enjoy the fruits of the city on a free afternoon or evening.

Matt Haynes

NOT A TRAFFIC-CLOGGING RACIST

TO THE PORTLAND MERCURY: I love Portland so much that I turned down a position that would pay for my move because it wasn't in the Portland area. I, however, live in Vancouver. I think about the amount of money I have given to the City of Portland through income tax, parking meters (and sometimes tickets... ) and from simply being a local consumer. Then I multiply that by the thousands of people who live in Vancouver and do the same as I do. I imagine all the things Portland does for itself with my hard-earned money and I'm generally glad, because I love the city and it deserves it.

But this morning, when I picked up the issue of the Mercury that had Vancouver as the number one thing to not invite to 2006 ["20 Things Not Invited Back to 2006," Dec 29], I swore up one wall and down the other. I read what the racist P.O.S. had to say about it [Letters, Jan 5] and was equally amazed at the mail you chose to represent Vancouver. I guess I don't understand why you guys are so against Vancouver when you are not forced or even asked to have anything to do with our city.

 Carl

CONGRATULATIONS TO CARL for winning the Mercury "Letter of the Week!" and managing to do so without uttering a single racist point of view. And for reminding us that hey, we don't have to visit Vancouver, we can just ignore it! Whew! But since Carl loves Portland so much, he gets two tickets to see the Supersuckers at Dante's on Thursday, Feb 9, plus two tickets to the Laurelhurst.