Queer Jun 17, 2010 at 4:00 am

Dancing Outside the Big Gay Party


Dykes and Fags and Transfolk still use "LGBTQ" to describe "their" community. Well, guess what the "B" is for! That's US: the Bi-folks, those more or less equally sexually attracted to "both" (as if there are only two) genders. Anyway, the point remains: we are a part of the lexicon; we are a part of the reality. We are just as queer as any dyke, fag, or trans, our ability to "pass" notwithstanding. Plenty of "L's" and "G's" can pass. They're mistaken for hetero every day without anyone calling into question their queer cred.

You know, most homo's are right-handed. Does that make left-handed queers less gay?
I've just taken the "call myself queer" route. Being bisexual is like being a half-elf. Hah! If you understand that one, you're a supernerd.
People love hierarchies.
And any chance they get to think they're *better* than someone else, most will take it.
Even (gasp!) homosexuals... perform this most human of activities.

It's one constant I have found in virtually ALL walks of life. Certainly in all GROUPS of people.
At the library, the gym, the conservative forums, the liberal forums, here, at school, at home, in jail, at AA, in activist circles, at poetry readings, meditation groups, etc. Get a group together and watch the competition begin!

The rules and 'categories' up for judgement may differ but there's always a silent selection process on who is more....book-smart, athletic, conservative, liberal, witty, scholarly, successful, ruthless, addicted, active, poetic, meditative, etc. Whatever the situation calls for.

@JustinB, I disagree with your premise that people always want to think they're better than other people. It just so happens that out of the universe of Blogtown commenters, I am clearly the most book-smart, athletic, conservative, liberal, witty, scholarly, successful, ruthless, addicted, active, poetic, and meditative. Is simply recognizing that fact the equivalent of worshiping hierarchy?

I guess you're just not liberal, meditative and ruthless enough to call a spade a spade.

And for that, I feel really bad for you.
I think a lot of the reason that gays are condescending and/or mistrusting of bi's is that a lot of us were burned by a bi SO at one time or another. It's really hard to compete with biological children and social acceptance, and it seems (immature I know) that bi's get to have the cake and go down on it too.
Interesting article. I've shared the experience for sure, but never really bothered giving it too much thought.
Bisexual=Have your cake and go down on it too. Quit yer gripin'. You get twice the play with built in social acceptance.

On a mature side note, pssst..I'll tell you a secret. The real reason gays and lesbos dislike bi's is because most of have been dumped by someone who fooled around with us and then went back to their hetero herd. So in essence you are getting the projected hurt of our wee little broken hearts.
Sorry for my double comments. The site keeps telling me i have an error.
I spent five years in a relationship with a female to male transgendered individual. I am lesbian (and we were together for four years prior to his transition.) Because of his desire to live "stealth" and not have anybody know he was born female, I was required to live under the guise of being heterosexual. Not that I'm a militant lesbian or anything, but it was tough to not be able to express who I really was within a community that I had been an active part of prior to all of this.

I guess what I am saying is that while I'm not bisexual, I think I have a unique perspective as a lesbian on what it would be like to have to hide who you are from the world at large and even from your own community.

And of course there are plenty of folks within the gay/lesbian community who do not understand trans folks either and get very upset when they are able to pass and then live as heterosexuals (if they choose to.) My ex and I were able to legally be married once he transitioned, and it didn't make many of my friends very pleased that we were taking advantage of something that we they couldn't... several said because he was living a lie.

All of that aside, I get it... on both sides. And I just want to say that this unique perspective has given me the ability to be more accepting of everyone within the community. LGBTQ... we are the folks that the outside world doesn't "get". So we should all work harder at "getting" each other. We are a community and will be stronger for the acceptance we show each other that we aren't able to find in the purely straight world.
I think you misunderstood my first post.
Or you're being incredibly witty.
*I can't tell the difference anymore!*

Ba-Da-BING!!!! OW!!!!

Clearly, I deserve to be placed among the pantheon of pithy soothsayers such as Commenty Colin.

Make it so #1.

Being bisexual has shown me that gay people can often be bigoted hypocrites, just like those that tend to prey upon them. Especially gay men, why is that?
Um, because we're human?

Patrick- I REALLY hope you ditched the goat, that wasn't gunna attract anyone, male or female. I say that as a friend...
Patrick- I REALLY hope you ditched the goat, that ain't gunna attract anyone, male or female.
I was trying to meet a woman through Craigslist who posted she was looking for her “Dream Girl” and stated she’s a lesbian. I sent her my brief bio and a pic. Here was her response…
“Thanks for the response, but I'm not into dating women who are essentially straight and that have boyfriends. Best of luck, I'm sure that there are some women out there who would dig it. ~Missy”
My Reply…
“No worries, I just enjoy both men & women. It's a gift. Take care!”
There’s really no point in being rude to an ignorant bigot of a person. I just stated the truth of who I am and she obviously can’t handle the fact that there are all kinds of walks of life. She can recognize her own unique sexuality, but, cannot recognize the bisexuality. That’s just ignorant and being a bigot. It’s ok for her to be different, but all be damned if it’s ok for there to be bisexual women! What a rude bigot.

You are one of the people that give bisexuals a bad name. Gay, straight, or otherwise, if someone is going to cheat in a relationship then they are just going to do it despite their sexuality. I constantly have to fight in my relationships about being monogamous because to me people are people and anyone has the opportunity to be in my life, should I choose them to. Just because we like both sexes does NOT mean we are quick to fuck the gender we are not currently with.

And the fact that you said "Bisexual=Have your cake and go down on it too. Quit yer gripin'. You get twice the play with built in social acceptance." reeeeaaaally makes this girl angry. Just in the crap you have posted already you show what he was writing in the first place, which is that we are not always accepted. It took a lot of strength to get to the point where people accept me for who I am, but often still hear from assh***s like you that think we sleep around a lot or cannot pick a side, as if there are rules to intimacy.

We as Bisexuals have to stand up for ourselves because nobody else will. We have the right to believe SeXuAlItY iS lIkE tHis, not like this and as more people come out (once or numerous times) the more accepting people will become.

Please wait...

Comments are closed.

Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.

Add a comment

By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.