Suburban Motel:
Loretta and Risk Everything
Stark Raving Theatre
232-7072
Through June 16

I have to say folks that although it is the job of a reviewer to be objective, it is not always such an easy way to be. In the case of these Suburban Motel plays my bias arose from the fucking noise. I was burnt out and tired and mostly I wanted to stare at the wall for a couple hours and flip my lip with my pointer finger, but instead I went to this play. Two hour-long scenarios with loud, yelling people, ringing phones, fighting, door slamming, pretend crying, etc., that drove my shoulders up to my ears and left my teeth chattering in distress. I sound this warning only so that you'll go see the play when you're in a state of calm--so you'll like it more than me.

I was actually quite impressed by the theater--small and chilly with seats on a steep incline, so you feel as though you're watching the show alone. The Suburban Motel set was perfectly realistic, from the blinking "Vacancy" sign, to the tiny bathroom, to the stains on the carpeting.

The first play, "Loretta," starts out with a woman on the phone, speaking high pitched and hurriedly to her sister. Someone knocks on the door and she then beats her sister off the phone, and this begins an enormous string of door knocking and phone ringing that never, ever stops. The plot is intriguing--a woman on her own, with a lot of immediate choices to make, and none of them very appealing. Her on-again off-again boyfriend Dave (the Mercury's hottie Office Depot delivery man) gives a great performance as a neurotic--especially the part where he gets down to his tighty whities and cups his genitals.

The second play, "Risk Everything," involves a drunken, grifter mother and her daughter's feeling of responsibility to save her from herself. The mom is this really annoying Shirley Maclaine-type character who made me want to overdose, or dig my eardrums out with a spoon. The daughter was a good actress, but her character failed to evoke any sympathy--so I ended up feeling like I was watching "annoying, dysfunctional family Christmas"--which I get enough of at home. Thankfully, RJ and Michael, the two boyfriend characters, added a bit of comic relief, so the hour performance wasn't a complete loss.

The problem with these plays, although well written and acted, is that they are way more stressful than regular life. They're loud and on speed, which for retirees is probably fun, but just made me need like 30 drinks.