Do I Have Rats?

It is true that most people who have rats are sad sacks with sick habits, no education, and questionable sexual practices. However, there ARE some people who, regardless of their status, home environment, and hygiene practices--through a series of cosmic jokes and poor luck--can still suffer the indignities of a vermin infestation. Don't be ashamed. You know what? Maybe they're just really large mice. Find out for sure by taking this easy true/false quiz. Good luck!

T F My small dog is afraid to go in the basement.

T F My copy of Mrs. Frisby and The Rats of NIMH is missing.

T F I keep finding trails of what is either spilt licorice bits or rat poop.

T F The cat is acting funny.

T F The cat is missing.

T F The small dog is missing.

T F I live above a restaurant.

T F I live above a restaurant that was recently closed by the city due to health code violations.

T F I would describe my approach to housekeeping as "casual."

T F My house is stacked to the ceilings with garbage.

T F I recently took up taxidermy.

T F I hear scampering in the walls.

T F I was recently diagnosed with The Plague.

T F My friends have stopped coming over.

T F I think the rats talk to me.

T F The rats are organizing.

T F The rats want me to bring them the bodies of my neighbors' cats.

T F The rats are building something in my utility room.

T F If I were a rat, I would live in my house too.

T F I don't give a rat's ass.

Did you answer "true" to ten or more of the above? It is very probable that you have rats. People who have rats get along well with specialists in infectious disease, large angry cats, and Orkin men. They do not get along well with people who keep rats as pets.