- YEEEAARRRRRAAARRRAARRRUUUUUUUGGYGYAAAAA
Thanks for ruining my day, press release:
CULVER CITY, Calif., July 29, 2010—Len Wiseman [Underworld, Underworld: Evolution, Live Free or Die Hard, AND HE SOMEHOW TRICKED KATE BECKINSALE INTO MARRYING HIM TOO] is in final negotiations to direct Columbia Pictures’ Total Recall, it was announced today by Doug Belgrad and Matt Tolmach, presidents of Columbia Pictures. The film will be a new, contemporized adaptation of Total Recall, which was based on the story, “We Can Remember It for You Wholesale” by Philip K. Dick. Kurt Wimmer is writing the screenplay. Neal H. Moritz will produce through his Original Film banner.
Commenting on the announcement, Tolmach said, “Len has an incredible love of the genre and a great gift for action. He’ll bring a contemporary feel to the film while taking care with everything we love about Philip K. Dick’s original story.”
Moritz said, “I have been trying for years to work with Len and fortunately we finally found a great project that he loves as much as we do. Len is terrifically talented and we know he is the right director to re-imagine Total Recall for a new generation of fans.”
Wiseman added, “I’ve always been fascinated with Philip K. Dick’s short story, and I’m excited at that prospect of diving even deeper into the type of world it evokes and the questions it asks. I love that the most crucial mystery our character is trying to solve is the one of his own soul.”
Everything in the above quotation is total bullshit.
This news makes me feel sad—an existential sort of sadness. Like… like… like this:
GET YOUR ASSSS TO MAAAAAHRS!
It’s times like these I wish I had three hands…for punching some people in the face!!!!
Here’s an idea…don’t go see it.
I haven´t read yet anything of the article cuz am straight out of work, but I´ll go see it, of course I will. Erm, if they can get Arnold Sharsenegger (Typo) to play the main role again, it will be good. Like Really good.
Then I´ll get all the merchandising and hope for paraphernalia related to the movie to come out. I bet the part were he nose-sucks-out a big ball of something will look different with the high tech new wave special effects that are available now. I don´t condemn thee. Make it 3D 5 way surround sound.
This is total bullcrap. I heard they are remaking “The Thing” as well. Just crap.
Hey stupid kids: go rent the original.
Is Avel Gordly behind this?
They should instead make a movie from a different PKD novel. Ubik, for instance.
Wholesale is too goofy a story for a summer blockbuster. It’s only going to work if they cast Leslie Nielson in a prominent role, which I somehow doubt will happen.
But I think Leslie Nielson should be in every movie, so what do I know.
SUCK
Weird. I just listened to the audiobook of ‘Wholesale’ yesterday on the bus.
Anyhow. Making another movie out of that story is a horrible idea. The Schwarzenegger film from ’91 was just fine for what it was. Why mess with it?
Furthermore, why keep cannibalizing stories over and over with ridiculous, bloated remakes? Was there a finite amount of creative imagination available to humanity, and we’ve somehow used it all up or something?
Heavens to Murgatroyd, people, can’t we do better than this?!?!
When they remake my life, I hope I have straighter teeth.
The OG film is such dumb fun — Ahnold versus Sharon Stone, three-titted alien whores, the eyeball bustin’ finale, Michael Ironside being Michael Ironside, plus classic Schwarz-liners like “SEE YOU AT THE PAH-TY” and “CONSIDER DAT A DIVORCE”.
I hope someone in a meeting said, “What this franchise needs is… is a breath of fresh air!”