Where the wind comes roaring down the plains. A deluge of tornadoes devastated parts of Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, and Iowa last night. Five are dead and at least 29 are injured.

The baby-faced dictator doth protest too much. Following his missile dysfunction last week, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un showed off his countryโ€™s military virility with a parade displaying his enormous arsenal. Some of the weapons are even believed to work.

The United Nations goes to Syria. UN observers arrived in Syria today to monitor the ceasefire between rebels and President Bashar al-Assad. They say the truce is holding, for most part.

Egypt blocks extremists from presidential elections. In total ten candidates have been barred from running for Egyptian president including a former Mubarak spy and a fundamentalist. (Insert joke about blocking fundamentalists from US elections here).

Taliban attacks Kabul. Earlier today, the Afghan capital was hit at least seven times by the militant group. The Taliban also attacked three other Afghan cities.

In economic newsโ€ฆ

The US Treasury is expected to profit from the bailouts. After rescuing the nationโ€™s carmakers and bankers, the government will make a profit of $2 billion.

China stops coddling its currency. Economists have long complained Chinaโ€™s strict control of the yuan is bad for commerce. Now they will see their theory tested on the global economy.

Iraqi dinar hit by sanctions. If you ever doubted the interconnectedness of the world economy, hereโ€™s more proof.

In tech newsโ€ฆ

Google co-founder Sergey Brin warns the Internet is not the freedom-loving space it once was. He’s probably right, of course this warning comes from a man whoโ€™s business model is based on an open Web. And thereโ€™s this.

Itโ€™s an endocrine-disrupted world after all. If you thought plastics couldnโ€™t be any more dangerous, you can now add diabetes to the list of health problems caused by their hormone-altering additives.

Andโ€ฆ

Rock out with your proboscis out! The Portland Zoo’s Packy the elephant celebrated his 50th birthday yesterday. Good thing Spainโ€™s King wasnโ€™t around.

Letโ€™s honor Packy with this video:

3 replies on “Good Morning, News!”

  1. I have a crazy idea, why don’t we “honor” Packy by setting him free and sending him to an animal sanctuary. 50 years in solitary confinement is enough.

  2. Where would you “set him free”? I agree, but really only a wildlife preserve would work. “Setting him free” would bloody likely kill him, sadly ,due to the conditioning of captivity

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