Yes I just made a Bell Biv Davoe reference. Deal with it. On to today’s I, Anonymous mailbox, which begins with an innocent flirtation, but ends with a nosebleed. Beware:
To the adorable rockabilly barista: The heart you drew into my crema was almost as endearing as your doe-eyed ogling while plating my scone and frothing my milk. I enjoyed the flirt, even though I’m straight, and you were absolutely endearing in your attentions. Sadly, you may want to ensure that the milk you are foaming is not the milk that’s been sitting on the counter for untold minutes, and that as you’re batting your lashes in my direction, you are also conscious of your “wand depth.” As I was lying on my bathroom floor seven hours later, puking my guts out to the point that I got a nosebleed, I wondered if this was really the impression you were intending to leave? Probably not. You were great, just make sure your food handler’s card is up to date next time you’re trying to score at work.—Anonymous
Stealth killer
Insert joke about “wand depth” here.
Maybe there was something wrong with the scone, smart guy.
Pinpointing the exact cause of food-borne illnesses is very difficult. But I seriously doubt that a warm latte made you poop yourself.
At first I assumed these were lesbians, because I love lesbians, and was about to @Joneser “HOW DO YOU KNOW IT’S A GUY” but then I thought about it and realized that there are probably more gay boy baristas than lesbian baristas, was momentarily sad, and had a second realization that this scene is also adorable with boys. I am now writing a porn using both scenarios. At the same time.
HAPPY DAY.
Don’t write to the Mercury. Just walk in there and tell the barista.
@ScrumYummy: “writing a porn” = yawners. Tell us when filming’s wrapped up, please.
People still dress Rockabilly? STUPID….
@ROM: stay tuned for the next HUMP entry.
It was the eye drops they added when you rejected them.
You were puking your guts out from REGRET.
GO TO HIM!!!
I’ve got ten bucks that says three years from now a doctor tells this writer that s/he has a lactose intolerance, and that’s why s/he has been spending so much time throwing up after drinking cremas.
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