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RECORD SCRATCH: Yep, that's me. How did I get up here, above the Double Barrel on Division? Well, it's a funny story. The Portland Mercury is about to be a bi-weekly publication, starting this week. I hope you'll pick up a paper up and take the new design for a test drive. Papers hit newsstands tomorrow and Thursday.

TBA IS HAPPENING: One of Portland's coolest art festivals, TBA, began last weekend. Events are happening every night and we have our Mercury TBA Team crawling all over the festival like a family of happy, diligent spiders, writing about all the weird stuff they see. That spider analogy is working. I can feel it. Keep up with us at portlandmercury.com/tba.

OREGON SEDUCTION: The optimal time for cycling the Oregon Coast this year has passed, but you can read about this woman's attempt at having a mini-Wild bicycle rebirth in this article about slow cycling. Notable for her claim that "Oregon aims to reduce auto traffic along its famed scenic coast by seducing cyclists."

SLIP ON YOUR BOOTIES: Because rain is back. I love it. Bring it on.

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Okay that was the last bit of good news today. GIRD YOUR LOINS.

DON'T STOP BELIEVIN': Yesterday was World Suicide Prevention Day. The Oregonian reported that, related to an unannounced visit in June, Portland mental health facility Unity Center may lose its federal certification. The facility could have lost its certification as early as today, but have been granted an extension until the end of October to make improvements.

CLEARLY A NORMAL HURRICANE: One million people have been ordered to evacuate the Carolinas ahead of category four Hurricane Florence. The New York Times made a special Hurricane Florence page and everything.

DEATH OF THE FIVE DOLLAR FOOTLONG: Today marks the day that Subway Sandwiches no longer requires its franchises to provide a five dollar footlong deal. Now, if they're doing it, they're just doing it to be nice.

AT LEAST WE HAVE CHEESE:


WHO COULD LOVE A REMAKE: After giving it a lot of thought, I have decided to embrace the Susperia remake. Resisting remakes is a waste of energy. At the very worst, a remake reminds audiences about the original film being reimagined. They also provide work to the team of people assembled to make and promote and pooh pooh (that's me!) the films. I'll even accept this Thom Yorke song for the new Susperia. Sounds GREAT, THOM. KEEP'M COMING!