Here at the Portland Mercury, we take the Fast & Furious films
Which means today the Mercury offices are CLOSED to celebrate the release of the first trailer for the very first F&F spinoff film, Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw! Have you seen it yet! Have you not seen it yet! Either way let's watch it! Or watch it again!
WE HAVE NINE QUESTIONS.
• Is this literally the only time in history that a bottle of champagne has ever been involved in any scenario remotely related to the word "cool"?
• Is Idris Elba's cyber-enhanced bad guy character actually a ghost and is he actually named "Bad Guy"? They say his name is "Brixton" later, right when they call him a "ghost," but maybe Brixton is just his last name. Bad Guy Brixton. Or maybe his mortal name was Brixton but then he died and his ghost name is Bad Guy!
• Who decided to score this trailer with "Why Can't We Be Friends?"
• Can we give them the Nobel Prize in literature?
• Is that the Griswold Maneuver?
• Where will Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw end up in the F&F quality rankings? For those who have forgotten, the correct order, thus far, in terms of "greatest" to "slightly less greatest" goes:
Fast & Furious 6 (2013)
Furious 7 (2015)
Fast Five (2011)
The Fast and the Furious (2001)
The Fate of the Furious (2017)
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)
2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)
Fast & Furious (2009)
• Elevator hijinx???
• In addition to The Rock and Jason Statham, Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw also stars Vanessa Kirby, AKA Princess Margaret on the best goddamn television series of all time, The Crown! Does this mean that Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw takes place in The Crown universe? And wait... isn't The Crown universe our universe? Could... could Hobbs and Shaw be...
... could they be real?