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In Oregons Secretary of State race, less than a point currently separates Mark Hass and Shemia Fagan.
In Oregon's Secretary of State race, less than a point currently separates Mark Hass and Shemia Fagan. Oregon Secretary of State

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! I wish I could just make you turn around—turn around and see me cry. There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Last night was PRIMARY ELECTION NIGHT in Oregon, and the Mercury spent much of the evening writing incisive, sassy commentary and doing the maths for our LIVE BLOG COVERAGE. Check it out here, it's an informative hoot. And while everything is not completely decided, here's what we know this morning about the most interesting races.
• As of this writing, Mayor Ted Wheeler holds on to 50.4 percent of the vote, which he needs to avoid a runoff with Sarah Iannarone. Stay tuned for this nailbiter.
Carmen Rubio handily won Amanda Fritz' city council seat, while we're looking at a November runoff between Chloe Eudaly and either former mayor Sam Adams or Mingus Mapps. In another tight race, Loretta Smith may be taking on Dan Ryan this fall.
• In the squeaker of the night, most local media declared Mark Hass the winner in the Secretary of State race against Mercury-endorsed Shemia Fagen—BUT HOLD YOUR GODDAMN HORSES! As of this morning, there's less than one percentage point difference between them.
• The Metro Homeless Services measure passed as well as the renewal of the gas tax, and progressive candidate Mike Schmidt won the Multnomah County District Attorney race.
Stay with the Mercury for even more election results later today!

Clackamas and Washington counties are preparing to file applications to the governor's office to reopen, even though they currently do not meet the state's criteria. Multnomah County will not be applying this week, and you can expect a press conference today in which county commissioners discuss where we're at in the process.

OH HERE'S SOMETHING INTERESTING: The Baker City judge who weirdly ruled in favor of the churches that are suing the governor to halt her stay at home order is Facebook friends with the pastor of one of the litigious churches. ISN'T THAT INTERESTING.

Related: After a few selfish Oregon businesses also filed an injunction to stop Gov. Brown from saving lives with her stay at home order, a federal judge told them to fuck the fuck off. (Obviously he did not use those exact words—but in my dreams? The sentiment was there.)

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

In a move that will surely infuriate Trump, the CDC has released COVID-19 reopening directions that the White House had shelved. It goes into a lot more detail about best practices, which will SAVE LIVES, and yet the president disapproves because he only loves himself while hating you.

Some heroes wear Costco badges:

In the midst of massive floods (that could put the city of Midland nine feet under water) and a coronavirus pandemic in their state, Trump says he will refuse to send federal funds to Michigan if they go through with their vote-by-mail plan.

Good vaccine news: A prototype vaccine tested on monkeys indicates that it could protect against the coronavirus. Expect Trump to be guzzling down monkey blood by noon.

Since the start of the pandemic, more than 900 children have been deported—sometimes without their own families—by the cruel, viciously racist Trump administration.

A Florida scientist says she was fired from the state's department of health for refusing to doctor COVID case and death numbers that would have slowed down Florida's reopening plans.

In surprising news that probably won't surprise you: "Jane Roe," the plaintiff in the famous Roe v. Wade abortion case, admitted before dying that she had been paid by anti-abortion activists to come out against a woman's right to choose.

In more unsurprising news: "Asian American doctors, nurses report a spike in racist attacks."

The NYT writes up our company's Silent Reading Partyget your tickets now for tonight's event!

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Also get your tickets NOW for the hilarious (and sometimes poignant) Confinement Online Film Fest (CoFF) debuting this Friday. Grab those tickets and watch the trailer here!

Now let's squint our eyes upward at the WEATHER: Mostly cloudy with a probable shower and a high of 61.

And finally... Puddles! Don't you do it, Puddles! I'm serious! DON'T YOU DARE... oh goddammit.