Ohhhh... so NOW he wears a mask!
Ohhhh... so NOW he wears a mask! Drew Angerer / Getty Images

Here's your daily roundup of all the latest local and national news. (Like our coverage? Please consider making a recurring contribution to the Mercury to keep it comin'!)

• TOP STORY: First things first—both Joe Biden and Kamala Harris have tested negative for the coronavirus. (Phew!) However, President (and tax cheat!) Donald Trump tested positive yesterday after days of traveling the country and exposing uncounted GOP members and politicians to COVID-19. This morning after reporting "mild symptoms," he has since then popped a fever, was administered an "experimental antibody cocktail," and has been taken to the Walter Reed military hospital for several days of observation "as a precautionary measure." (NOTE: Remember, as the White House is currently our only source of information, it could all be lies.) At this point, Trump has not transferred his presidential power to slimy underling Mike Pence, but we'll see what happens.

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• Wow, he looks like shit.

• In local news: Despite Portland's strict campaign finance limits, Mayor Ted Wheeler has loaned his own campaign $150,000 to make up for a lack of donations.

• When Oregon State Trooper head Travis Hampton unilaterally decided to federally deputize Portland Police and Multnomah County Sheriff's officers for last weekend's Proud Boy rally, which was then followed by US Attorney for Oregon Billy Williams allowing them to keep their super-charged federal powers to the end of the year, it was an alarming act of Trump-style overreach. And according to some, the act is endangering our First Amendment rights, personal safety, and pushing us toward a constitutional crisis. Our Blair Stenvick has more.

• An air stagnation advisory is in effect for Portland over the next few days, with air quality currently in the "moderate" zone meaning those with respiratory problems should be extra careful.

• Reminder that it's not just corrupt presidents who catch COVID-19: Today the OHA reported 314 new positive coronavirus cases in the state, and three additional deaths. Don't be a "Trump"—WEAR YA DAMN MASK, WASH YA DAMN HANDS, KEEP YA DAMN DISTANCE!


• For those who are curious, here's a list of all the events—including flying with many of his family and advisors (like Hope Hicks) to the debate with Joe Biden—that Trump attended in the days leading up to his positive coronavirus test.

• You can bet contact tracers are looking hard at that list and interviewing and testing all the Republican politicians, donors, and maskless sycophants Trump and his infected crew have been schmoozing with over the past week.

• Also, because you're a curious ghoul, here's the line of presidential succession. (I'm sorry, but I can dream about President Pelosi, can't I?)

• Completely on-brand: "Trump’s Chief Of Staff Didn’t Wear A Mask When He Talked To Reporters Hours After Trump’s Positive COVID-19 Test."

• An audio recording of the Breonna Taylor grand jury proceedings was released today and reveals the rather dubious evidence presented to the jury who ultimately exonerated the officers who burst into her apartment while she was asleep and shot and killed her.

• In "This Is Some Corrupt BULLSHIT" news: Democracy-hating Texas Gov. Greg Abbott has drastically reduced the number of drop-off sites for mail-in ballots in areas of his state that are heavily populated by Democrats and people of color. This is exactly why EVERY Republican without exception should never be elected to any office ever again.

• Accused sexual predator/movie mogul Harvey Weinstein is facing six new charges of rape and sexual assault in Los Angeles.

• Here's a story that got quickly buried yesterday by the president's COVID diagnosis, and that's too bad, because it's HILARIOUS: "Melania Trump Whines About FLOTUS Role in Secret Recording: ‘Who Gives a F*ck About Christmas Stuff?’"

• Get ready to get infuriated: 67-year-old actor Rick Moranis (Ghostbusters, Honey I Shrunk the Kids) was the victim of a random head-punching attack in New York City yesterday. Thankfully, he will recover.

• In these terrifying times, don't you need a good, wholesome scare? Get your tickets now for SLAY—the short, eight-minute-or-less HORROR film festival from the makers of HUMP! Debuting Oct 15-31!

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• The WEATHER REPORT: You can expect a hazy, sunny weekend with highs in the low- to mid-70s.

• And finally, this is perhaps the truest (and funniest!) thing you'll see today.